Hunger Games Winter Storm Book 2
by Lady Raksha
Summary: The 1st Quarter Quell, a world of nightmares, is over and a Victor crowned. For this Victor, the real nightmares are just beginning as they enter a whole new game where the stakes are even higher and the arena is the Capitol itself. But soon they discover there's more than one way to play this game and just might make up their own.
1. PT 1: Growing Nightmares Ch 1

**From "Mockingjay" we learn that a Victor's life was difficult after winning the Hunger Games. There is a price to be paid for new found fame and riches on top of dealing with the nightmares of what happened in the arena. To keep real to the world which Suzanne Collins created, bad things happen to our Victor of the Quarter Quell. But rest assured I don't go past the boundaries Collins set as far as violence level and suggestive material. **

**Yes it will be a bit choppy, but I did that on purpose since I'm covering many years and events (including the rise of Pres Snow).**

** Enjoy (and comments appreciated).**

**PART 1: GROWING NIGHTMARES  
**

Sometimes I wake up wondering if the tracker venom has left me yet. That I've finally woken up from the nightmare. My father will be there to hug me before I go off to school. Boron and I will race through town, late again because we stayed too long at his house listening to funny stories from his older brother, Gray. Back home, father and I will dance on the floor after dinner and on warm nights climb up to my tree house to sleep.

I thought it was over when I left the games, that at last I was awake. But it turns out my hope is only a brief respite before I plunge into one more nightmare. All I can do is just play along.

Only a few times have I been able to sleep at night. Jay tries to get me through a peaceful night's sleep, but I just can't. Instead I spend the night fiddling with my experiments downstairs. I may be a little absent minded, but if I'm putting something together or taking it apart and examining it I can stay focused and controlled for hours.

I could tell Jay needed time away from me. It was too depressing as it was with my crying out at night, daily flashbacks, and long periods when I am lost to the world. I told him he needed time with his friends or to even go back to work if he wanted.

He agreed so long as there was always someone at the house with me. The Welkins were the first volunteers. Our families had been friends since before I was born. Rose Welkin comes over in the morning just as Jay leaves. Her son, Gray, arrives shortly after.

Other volunteers include two of my friends from school, Cody and Kyle. Despite their falling out before my games, they have since learned to be civil around each other for my sake. In fact many people are civil around each other when I'm around. The others may like to sugar coat things, but Gray is honest with me. The district feels sorry for me… again.

In their eyes I volunteered to become tribute in the Hunger Games because I couldn't stand the rift created prior to the Quarter Quell. This was true, but slowly I realize that what I told President Galba wasn't entirely a lie. In fact there was a lot more truth to it than I realized. I really did want all of it to be over. But this I've told no one, not even Jay.

Three days a week it's the same routine. Rose arrives and Jay leaves. We sit and chat for awhile about different things, mostly about what I'm working on. One time she thought I'd get in a lot of trouble for disconnecting a phone from one of the other houses to fiddle with. But I had it back together and hooked it back up before anyone knew it was gone. My house was the only one permanently occupied in the Victor's Village.

During the time I would've left for school, Gray arrives. We eat breakfast together and talk about things. Afterwards, Gray and Rose look at the things I'm working on and give suggestions on how to make it work better. After a few more hours, Gray is exhausted and goes into one of the spare bedrooms to sleep. With sunlight filling the house I feel calm enough to fall asleep myself and go upstairs to my room.

When I wake up some time in the late afternoon, Rose has something ready for me to eat. Gray is usually up around this time as well and we have a small lunch together. If the weather is nice we go outside to enjoy it since it's not long until winter. The occasional visitor comes to chat and update me on the district until Jay and Elian Welkin arrive.

After dinner, the Welkins all leave and I'm left with Jay. A few hours pass and it's time for bed. I try for a few hours, but still I can't bring myself to sleep at night. Quietly I sneak downstairs and fiddle with my experiments again.

Because of my newly acquired riches I am easily able to support Jay, the Welkins, and the Norths. If not for their objections I would, but I guess we all have stubbornness issues.

Part of it has to do not wanting blood money and the other part of it probably comes from knowing that once I'm dead they'd all have to go back to work anyway and there's no point in getting comfortable.

Even I don't want the money. I don't want anything from the place that sends children into an arena to die for entertainment and control. It took a good few weeks after the cameras left for the officials to keep me compliant about using my new house in the Victor's Village. Most sneak a smile at me once an official is done lecturing me again that I no longer live in the run down house with the leaky roof and the cracked floorboards or the tree house in the back yard.

Honestly, eight out of ten times is because I forget. I know in the Training Center I forgot which way to go to get to my room. It was right down the hall for crying out loud. How could I forget so easily and so frequently?

Lyla, a Peacekeeper and a friend of Jay's, drops me off at the house for the third time that week. Jay stayed at the door to talk after hugging me and ushering me inside to thank Lyla. She has dropped by my home every morning to make sure I didn't wander there during the night. Better that she quietly bring me back to the house before I embarrass myself again.

Jay comes down briefly to kiss me good-bye and tell me that Rose is here. For awhile I tinker away at my latest inventions. On the table is a puzzle I've done so many times I now do it to see if I can beat my best time. But there's a problem. I can't figure it out.

Anger at my inability to remember anything clearly comes to a boil. I know I screamed, and that I threw things across the room, but until Gray's arms wrapped around me anchoring me I didn't know that everything I've been working on lay in pieces on the floor. Thank goodness the notes were all upstairs.

It was different, having Gray hold me instead of Jay. A few months would pass before I figured out why it felt so different. Why he had flipped out at me when he learned I volunteered to be tribute. The hug I got when I returned home and why he would come over every day even when it was Jay's day to watch me.

I remember Marlin Oleander's question if there was someone who would be jealous of Colvin Donner of District 12 kissing me in the arena. Had I figured out Gray's feelings for me, I would've needed to answer that question differently. It made no sense for Gray to love me, but all the sense in the world for me to have feelings for him.

And the thought scares me. It takes me awhile to piece together how it happened. Sure I had a crush on him since I was a little girl. He was older than me, very good looking, and funny. But I was a child to him, his brother's tomboy best friend and I eventually put thoughts of him out of my head.

As the years passed I became more and more like one of the boys. I didn't like dresses, never talked about boys, and most certainly didn't flirt with one. That was gross.

But then my father died in a tracker jacker attack, one that left me the sole survivor out of fifteen people. The only survivor because the other two that had lived went mad and took their lives, just as Blaze did in the arena to make me Victor. Things changed after that. My mind was broken and emotions that I had been able to temper and dismiss as me just being silly stayed at the forefront of my mind. Boron fought hard for me to come back from the frightened emotionally scarred survivor. Another year would pass before we discovered that friendship wasn't enough for either of us.

If not for the Hunger Games, we'd probably be talking of marriage soon. Everyone knew we were headed in that direction. Sometimes I wish they would've told us so we didn't feel so awkward around each other when that sort of thing was going through our minds. But he's gone now, murdered in the Twenty-third Hunger Games, something that I wish happened to me in the Twenty-fifth. That had been the plan.

Gray and I were there for each other during and after that game. They were close and I know Gray hates himself for not being able to take his place. But he was nineteen, one year too old for the arena. We became friends of sorts, but I had no idea Gray felt anything for me. And every time I thought something for him I hated myself feeling it a betrayal against Boron.

I don't know. I just don't know anymore. So when Gray kisses me for the first time I freeze not sure what to do next. I've kissed only two others before this, Boron and Colvin. Boron I kissed long and good as he left for the arena as a plead for him to come back alive. Colvin surprised me in the arena when emotions were running high and the sensation so welcomed that I leaned in and kissed him back.

With Gray it was a light kiss, but it was enough for me to know his feelings. Friendship isn't enough for him. And it scares me that I might feel the same way. The people I love have a habit of dying and I swear I won't let that happen.

I spend the next few weeks turning my schedule around. Night still terrifies me, but if I'm to protect Gray I must overcome it. Eventually I can almost make it to a full night's sleep. Once I have enough energy I ask for my old shift back at the plant.

Jay and I would walk there together in the mornings. We'd pass Gray on the way, but would only have a short conversation before entering the plant. I quickly realize how much of a distraction this is from all the bitter memories that assault me. My old coworkers are an even more welcome sight and I feel myself getting better and better.

Mind you there are a few times that I can't bring myself to go in, but then I'm not required since I'm a volunteer. Those times Gray is right back with me keeping me calm. I've been told that I know when to fight and when to wait for the right moment to fight. However I discover a whole new method and just give in. Gray has thrown his lot in with mine no matter what I do. So one day I decide to kiss him. It was bound to happen anyway and as the sensations flow through my body I wonder why I was so stubborn.


	2. Chapter 2

Winter came and it was time to take my Victory Tour. District 12 was the first stop. Colvin and Clea's families were there right in the front for my speech, they had to be. Someone wrote me a speech, but I conveniently forgot it and had to wing one of my own. I get these headaches sometimes I just happen to forget things. All I have to do is remember not to push it, but I still get satisfaction out of the little things.

I told them that this victory didn't belong to just one, but to the four that stayed together. I praised the bravery of both their tributes. My name was shouted out and I received thunderous applause. Before I left the stage, I pressed my three middle fingers of my left hand and held it out to the families remembering this is what Colvin did for Clea and the district did the same.

It was here I met Amaranth, their victor from the fifteenth games and now mentor to all their tributes. I've seen him enough on the TV and knew he was one of the Capitol heartthrobs. In truth, I had a bit of a crush on him growing up which I admitted to no one. Surprisingly he wasn't all that self important, even likeable. Before my departure he assured me that I would have a friend in the Capitol when I went to the next year's games. Then he gave me a warning. Capitol appetites aren't limited to the food.

District Eleven is next and I make another friend, Seeder. She is genuinely pleased to see me. Two years ago she toured the districts as victor of the Twenty-third Hunger Games. She was in the arena with Boron and had no end of compliments of him. It was her that he protected from the Pack but received a wound there that would later kill him. At least his act of bravery wasn't wasted like mine had been.

Districts Ten down to Six were nice enough. People are polite with their applause. No one likes the Hunger Games, but all the districts must act like we enjoy them. My escort, Anna Sassin, holds onto my speeches until I have to give them and then I read them off from a card. Sometimes I need my notes, most of the time I don't, but I read off of the cards anyways.

After my speech I get pulled back into the Justice Building and change into evening clothes for a dinner. Sometimes I get to do something extra, like ride a horse or take a tour of a factory. Anna is very indulgent and lets me take a little time to examine a piece of machinery or other gadgets. But we do have a schedule to adhere to and we're off to the next event.

My anxiety grows after each district on the implications of Amaranth's warning. I knew exactly what it meant even suspected it would happen. If a Peacekeeper or official likes someone in my district very few things would stand in the way of having them. I'd be stupid to think that just because I was a victor I'd be safe.

District Four brings its own horrors. Nerissa's siblings stare at me all through my speech. There is nothing I could say or would try to say to make them stop. I killed their sister. Nothing will ever change that.

When I reach District Three I lose myself in all the, well, toys they have. If I had to choose any other district to live in the rest of my life, it'd be this one. There are way too many things to distract me. Despite my playful pleading for one more day we're off to Districts Two and One. I was so out of it that I hardly remember either district.

At the Capitol, President Galba and I had another chat. I had broken too many rules that I didn't know existed. A victor wasn't supposed to work after she had won the games. My speech in Twelve didn't have the amount of malice it should have. While he wasn't concerned about another rebellion any time soon, I could tell he found me dangerous. What scared me the most was his fascination for me.

Now I'm back home and the tour is over and the reporters gone. My routine changes back to my original one. Elian and Jay discreetly explain my absence from the plant. Thankfully my friends understand the new rules.

About a month after my return I start getting sick. I'm so nauseous that I lay curled up in my bed for hours. A couple weeks of this and Rose realizes why I'm sick all the time, why I'm always so jumpy around males, and my temper.

Only three days ago she took me away from the house, away from all the bugs that might be in there to take the conversation back to the Capitol, and asked me if it was possible I was pregnant. I lost it then and there and blurted out the whole thing.

"Oh sweetie, you should've told me sooner," she said holding me tighter than ever.

"I didn't want to win," I cry. "I didn't…"

"I know," she tells me.

I'm not sure how long I cried into her shoulder before exhaustion took over and I fell asleep. When I'm awake again she asks for permission to tell Jay. I shouldn't have to see his reaction or he mine to the fact that I'm carrying a mockingjay, a child with a district mother and Capitol father. I know he was gone for a long time, but when he came back he held me so tightly that I felt it was my father and not his friend comforting me.

Jay is a mockingjay. That's what I have to keep telling myself as one day after the other passes. Jay is one of the kindest, bravest, and strongest men I know. Who's to say that my baby will be any different because of his or her father? It's enough for me to not dread the fact I'm about to become a mother. I know it sounds horrible, but I feel a little more sympathetic for Jay's mother for abandoning him. But I know I won't do that to my child.

I'm in my greenhouse tending to one of my plants. Jay, Elian, Gray, and some of my former gang spent a couple days building this for me about a month after I returned from the Hunger Games. It wasn't hard to surprise me with it. I had been lost to the world unaware of anything around me for at least a week. But it was a welcome sight. Like my tree house at my old home, it has a calming effect.

Some of the plants were the ones that the boys brought, but I've added several of my own. I suppose it was arrogance that got me to go under the fence and into the woods. How scary could it possibly be when I survived a fully loaded arena? Not scary at all apparently. In fact I rather like being out there.

The plants I dug up there have medicine properties. The town apothecary comes by every now and then to request some plants for her stores. I don't mind at all so long as she doesn't charge her customers too much for the medicines.

The small creak of the door alerts me that someone is coming in. My breath catches when I see Gray. But I don't want to see anyone, especially him today. As soon as Gray spots me he stops.

"Oh, Mother said you were asleep. I was going to water your plants for you. Feeling any better?"

"I suppose," I say as I move on to the next plant.

In reality I'm not sure how I should feel. The morning sickness comes and goes, but the emotions are always there. This is not something I'm going to be able to hide for long. Rose and Jay know, but I don't think anyone else does. But I'll start to show and it will become obvious to everyone. Even if I avoided going to town and shutting out my few visitors, the whole world will find out on Reaping Day when I'd show up six months pregnant. There'll be no avoiding that.

"You've hardly said a word since you've been home," Gray says. "Whatever it is, you know you can always talk to me."

There's pain in his voice. When I returned from winning the Quell, he was there just as much as Jay if I wanted to talk. There were times when my mind slipped that I thought I was talking to Boron. It was just so easy to talk to him.

Talking about it, that's what Jay wanted me to do when I was stung by the trackers and then the arena. Trying to act like it never happened might make it worse. By having someone to listen I'd be able to work some things out and maybe lessen the pain over time.

But this? This is too much. It's all too much and tears form in my eyes.

"Falon. Please." His hand tries to cup my face like he has many times, but I recoil. The look of surprise and hurt is evident on his face. I have to tell him, he's going to be one of the first to find out anyway. And I trust him.

But I can't look him in the eyes when I say, "Gray, I'm pregnant."

_Don't look,_ I think. I don't want to see his reaction, but I look anyway. He's staring at me in disbelief.

"Pregnant? Who's the father?"

There's no stopping the tears falling down my face when I answer, "Galba."

The anger on his face comes and goes as he works out the truth. A few minutes pass in silence as Gray sorts through his emotions. More than once I think he's about to leave me alone. I won't stop him if he does. My mind is swirling around the idea of him gone when his next words pull me to the surface.

"I'm the father."

He's not making any sense. I just told him who the father was.

His eyes bore into mine knowing I'm not getting it. "You tell people I'm the father. Everyone knows I'm up here all the time. We'll tell them that… we got married in a private ceremony when you got back, but kept it quiet because we weren't sure if all the reporters were really gone and you were sick of the Capitol knowing everything about your life."

"Y-you'd do that?"

The smile on his face is a little forced. "This wasn't exactly how I planned to tell you this… Falon, I love you. And I want to marry you."

I feel as if something is being slammed against my chest. He can't love me, he can't possibly love me. I killed someone and almost killed another in the arena. And I'm so damage from everything that he has to know I'll never be completely whole. He deserves so much better, someone that can and will be completely his. But no matter what argument I have he has an answer for sometimes replying teasingly 'what else you got?'

With my arsenal of arguments blown into dust I find myself wrapped in his arms. It's so strange how I feel so safe and yet so terrified in the same moment. A few times I open my eyes to make sure this is real that Gray is really holding me and loves me.

"The baby should've been yours," I say.

He kisses me lightly on the forehead. "I already told you. It is mine."

.

.

.

**Gone for the weekend, but hope these chapters at least perk some interest. Let me know. **


	3. Chapter 3

"All right, turn around," says Rose. There's not a single spec of makeup on me and I love it. My hair is done up with a few braids and wildflowers that I grew in the greenhouse. I am in my mother's blue dress, the same dress that she wore when she married my father.

Jay knocks on the door and is given the 'all clear'. When he opens up the door he does a double take. "Now you really look like your mother."

Rose leaves smiling, but a little teary eyed to go check on Gray. Before I agreed to marry Gray we talked with his parents and Jay. All of them are more than happy about the proposal despite what had happened at the Capitol and would probably happen again.

After a hug and a kiss, Jay offers me his arm and we go downstairs to my awaiting groom. Jay gives Gray a look saying 'take care of her or else' that sends me laughing before placing my hand in Gray's. During the rebellion, Elian would perform marriage ceremonies that the District recognized. This suits me just fine. In fact it makes me feel a little rebellious.

I almost cry as Elian amends part of the oath from 'true to him' to 'true to him in your heart'. This much I can promise, that I will love him and only him as long as I'm alive.

Our first kiss as husband and wife is so different from any of the other kiss I've experienced. For once I'm kissing someone that I love that I won't lose to the arena. A genuine warmth flows over me. This moment is enough to chase all my nightmares away.

Gray stays on the night shift and comes home to me in the morning. I like keeping my schedule in pace with my husband's and so I spend the evening tinkering away at my experiments in the basement. And then he's home and I am safe in his arms.

Elian and Rose move in with us as my emotions go every direction in less than a minute. (Jay says thirty seconds, but I'm sticking with a minute.) There's more than enough room here and besides, I like my in-laws. As soon as that happens the gossip, which was only a small rumor floating around, is now the talk of the district.

I'm in the kitchen with my hands covered in flour, well to tell the truth it's on my face as well, when I hear a knock on the front door.

"Just keep kneading," says Rose as she leaves to answer it. "Mayor Hearth, what a pleasure."

"Might Ms. Dawnson be in?"

They're coming in so I dust the flour on the bread and attempt, rather unsuccessfully, to look presentable.

When the mayor comes in he takes one look at my protruding belly and laughs, "Gossip is seriously behind the times. Did you know I only heard the rumor that you were married just yesterday? Congratulations Mrs. Welkin."

"Thank you," I reply. Jay and Elian may not like this man for his job, but I'm all right with Mayor Hearth. I know his position with the Capitol might not be as cushy as others think, mine certainly isn't. Besides, my friend really likes his daughter so I best keep up a civil front. "Would you like to go into the seating area?"

The mayor nods, "That would be lovely."

"Tea?" asks Rose.

"Yes please."

Rose smiles, she knows how to be nice to just about anyone. A trait both of her sons inherited. "I'll take care of this, Falon."

"Thanks." I turn to the mayor, "Please give me a minute to wash this off."

"Certainly."

Once I'm done I turn to Rose and shrug my shoulders. I have no idea what the mayor is doing in our house. Best to go find out.

Taking a seat on the sofa I turn to him, "What can I help you with today, sir?"

The mayor's face takes a look of absolute seriousness, "There's a friend of yours interested in a particular position and he named you as a reference."

"Oh," I say. To my knowledge all my friends were assigned their positions at the plant and the younger ones won't get theirs until after the reaping of their eighteenth birthdays.

"What can you tell me about Blane Peaks?"

My eyes dance with amusement. Blane has been up here several times. Sometimes it's just to see me, other times it has been for girl advice since I'm still 'one of the guys' but a girl. And I've got a gut feeling that the position Mayor Hearth is referring to is Blane as his son-in-law.

For the next hour or so I'm talking about one of my close friends. It's not hard to paint him in a good light, but to make sure the mayor knows I'm not completely biased I add in some of the more interesting adventures we had as kids.

"Thank you for your time, Mrs. Welkin," Mayor Hearth says. Reaching into his brief case he pulls out a couple documents. One he lays face down and the other face up. "Please go over this document and then you and your family sign at the bottom."

There isn't time to look at either document as the mayor rises and I do the same. "Good day to you Mrs. Welkin."

"Good day to you, sir," I reply standing up.

We walk to the car together when he turns back to me, "One more thing. Do you think he could handle them?"

The _them_ he is referring to can only be the Capitol. The people who stick their noses into all of our lives. For all but a select few, the district can enjoy some resemblance of privacy. For the few just about every aspect of our lives is known by the Capitol, which is why I've never tried to hide anything.

"I believe so. If he hasn't thought of that by now I'd count him stupid."

Mayor Hearth nods. "All possible wishes of happiness in your marriage. You deserve nothing less."

His words take me aback and I'm barely able to manage a 'thank you' before he gets into his car and drives off. Back inside I go inspect the papers the mayor left behind.

"Rose," I laugh as I get one sentence into the face up document.

"What?" she says coming in from the kitchen.

I read to her verbatim the affidavit that I vouch for the moral character of Blane Peaks in the matter concerning his daughter's hand in marriage. We both laugh at the length and the ridiculousness of it all.

But when I look at the other document I burst into tears. Curse these hormones!

"Falon?"

There's a reason the mayor said document instead of documents. In my hand I hold another paper, one I never thought I'd have. At the bottom is the mayor's signature and seal and at the top in clear letters is 'Certificate of Marriage'.

"I think I'm actually starting to like that man," says Rose when she sees the paper.


	4. Chapter 4

Gray was just as surprised as I was about the form. Of course we do sign it, but we hold onto it for a little while unsure on what date to put on the paper. If I put the real date, some will do the math that I got pregnant before marriage (which is the truth) but wasn't the whole point of marrying privately to hush that fact up?

Everyone in the house is asleep except me. I'm down in the basement with my inventions. In my opinion morning sickness needs a different name since it never hits me in the morning. What was a dull ache has increased in strength and I put everything down to go curl up on my bed.

I make it to the first floor when another cramp hits me. Abandoning any thought of making it upstairs, I curl up on the couch and get comfortable. Despite my efforts to be quietly miserable, I must've let out an audible squeak. Jay walks in and sees me in the dim light.

Without a word he picks up a bucket we keep in the room for such an occasion and pulls up a chair next to me. Gently he pulls my hair out of my face as if he knows I'm about to be sick. This is one of the times I hate it when he's right.

"Sorry," I say.

"I'll get you some water."

He's gone for only a minute when I hear his footsteps coming back. "Shield your eyes."

I close my eyes tight just before he flips on the light.

"Tripped on Rose's knitting basket on the way out," Jay explains. "Don't want to…"

Weakly I smile waiting for the punch line, but Jay's face has dropped. "What?"

"Rose!"

"Shh, you'll wake everyone up!" I whisper urgently.

"Falon, you're bleeding."

It's a long night involving the whole family and later the town healer. Despite our not informing them, I get one of the doctors from town that only cares for the Capitol officials. I guess I'm just special.

"So what's the verdict?" Rose asks.

The Capitol doctor looks at me sadly. "Ms. Dawnson, you underwent some serious trauma in the arena and haven't fully healed yet. Your body isn't ready for a baby yet. I'm sorry, but you just went through a miscarriage."

My mind is so fuzzy that I'm not picking up what he's saying.

Rose takes my hand, "Lynn, there's no more baby."

Gray had to tell me over and over he didn't marry me because I was pregnant and that it really was because he loved me. The depression that came after that was nothing new, except for the extra hormones, but this one felt easier to get out of. I hope that was because I had Gray there. After that it was no longer a question on what date to put on the marriage certificate.


	5. Chapter 5

It's a beautiful sunny morning, but I can take no pleasure in this day. No one in the districts ever do. Today is the day of the Reaping.

Upstairs I shift through my clothes in the closet. In the districts it is a requirement to dress well for the occasion. There are my mother's three dresses that I've shifted through over the last few years, the clothes Leo designed for me, or the ones that Rose and I have made. Honestly I've become quite the domestic these past six months.

But then an old memory pops up. It was a conversation with my Father during my first Reaping. All of the sudden I'm feeling mischievous.

"Uh oh, I know that smile," says Rose.

"I have no idea what you're talking about Rose," I say deadpan.

Rose shakes her head at me. "All right, I'll bite. What were you thinking?"

"You know how when I was younger Father couldn't get me to wear a dress for nothing. Well he and I made a deal. If I agreed to wear a dress to the Reaping for the next seven years then I could wear whatever I wanted to Reaping for the rest of my life. Well guess what, this is year eight since that promise. Therefore I'm wearing pants!"

My mother-in-law stares at me for a moment before bursting out laughing. "Breakfast will be ready soon."

As soon as my door is shut I dive into my drawers and find my nice pair of black pants just hoping they would still fit. When I was permitted to work at the plant, there would be the occasional visits from some official sent by the capitol. The control room was one of the locations toured so we all had to dress nicely. Since dresses were an accident waiting to happen in my line of work, I got to wear pants.

They're a little tight but they fit and I give a 'yes' to celebrate. Then I remember one of the shirts I more or less stole from the train after my Victory tour. Really the combination looks nice.

"You're out," I say to my reflection. From the moment I set foot out of the arena I was out of the Reaping for life by victory and by age.

There is little teasing about my mini rebellion around the breakfast table. There is no room for lightness before the event that is about to take place. At least not for anyone that lives in this house.

Once outside Jay, Rose, and Elian say their private good-byes to me. The less emotional ones will be done before I take the stage. As for Gray, we said our farewells last night. He's always had to work longer on reaping day and would just now be getting off. I'll be lucky if I see him before hand with everyone starting to fill the square.

A few friends come and find me and we have our usual quick conversations. All the while I'm keeping my eyes open for Gray. Peacekeeper Lyla walks catches my attention and taps her watch and then thumbs at the stage. Not able to stall any longer I get last minute hugs and kisses before leaving them behind.

This is my first year that I won't be standing with the other kids eligible to go into the arena. Had I not gone into the arena I would be standing with the adults and children under twelve. But I'm a victor, the first from District Five, and victors get to share the stage with the mayor and the escort for District Five. From here on out I am the mentor to every pair of tributes from home.

Mayor Hearth and Anna are walking to their seats just as I reach the stairs.

"There you are," Anna says kissing me on the cheek. "You are all that anyone is talking about back home. How excited you must be about being a mentor this year!"

My dislike of this woman comes and goes, coming when she says stuff like this, but at least she'll be good practice for when I try to act nice at the Capitol to get sponsors for my kids. I guess I owe her too in a way. Anna did take care of me after the arena and looked after me on the tour as much as she was allowed. But there are some things no one could've protected.

"Time for the show," Anna says brightly.

The mayor leads me to my chair and sits beside me. As soon as the clock strikes the hour Mayor Hearth stands up and reads the same boring thing I've put up with my whole life. For the past few years I've always thought along with what was said, but find I can't this year at least not the whole thing. I miss being able to remember things as clear as I once did, but then I guess that's a blessing in disguise. Many memories from the arena are gone.

"District Five is honored to have our first victor, known to all of Panem as Falon Dawnson."

I'm given a round of applause and I accept with a nod of thanks. Anyone in Panem that was paying attention to the games knows I did not go in to win. All of my actions in the arena are proof enough: Risking the bloodbath to get supplies for my alliance, rushing to Rotor's defense when he screamed, telling the others to get clear of the tracker jaker nest, killing Nerissa to protect Clea, and pushing Colvin out of the way of the falling rubble. But even still, I'm the one that survived.

Anna is introduced and she walks over to the girl's bowl. For a few seconds she spins all the slips around and I'm secretly growling for her to hurry it up.

"Iris Troy," she says finally and then to the boys, "Seth Gears."

Neither of these names is familiar to me, but I'll know them now. As each takes the stage I watch their terrified faces before they turn to the crowed. Anna asks for volunteers, but like most years there are none. The two kids are taken into custody. For the next hour they will be given a chance to say good-bye to their friends and family.

Backstage the mayor takes me aside. My family and I are very grateful for his wedding present a few months back. His daughter's wedding to my friend, Blane, was only last month around the time we always celebrated my birthday. They even served cake.

"Your wording was rather sneaky," I whisper referring to his avoidance at calling me Falon Welkin.

He smiles slightly, "Figured that detail was your business alone. Remember, whatever happens to these kids in the arena, it is not your fault. Safe travels."

While Iris and Seth are saying their good-byes, I'm driven over to the train station to be bombarded with questions from reporters. What do I think about this year's tributes, what will be my strategy for getting these kids through the games, and the like?

"What are your thoughts on returning to the Capitol?" one asks.

"Well, last I heard you all were anxious to have me back. I hope that hasn't changed," I say with a smile.

The reporters practically trip over one another to assure me it hasn't. The car with Iris and Seth pulls up and the reporter's attentions turn to them. My dislike for Anna ebbs when she pops in and says that's all the time we have and that we'll see you at the games.

As soon as the doors shut the train speeds off. Anna bounces around as she shows the two kids their compartments and then bounces back to show me mine. I'll give her this, she has the energy that I have to admire. I'm tired almost all the time now and use my energy to get from one day to the next.

I stay in the common area just in case Iris or Seth wants to talk. From here I'm the last face from home they will ever see. Seth comes in first and sits down, his fists on his knees. We sit in silence for awhile when Iris comes in also.

Seth is the first to break the silence. "So? What now?"

"You start making the hard decisions," I say. "Don't wait for the arena to decide when you will fight, flee, or just get it over with. The difference between you and me is I had a month to prepare. You have one week. And only one of you has a chance of coming home alive."

Seth grimaces and Iris starts fiddling with her hair. These two look about the same age and can't be more than sixteen. They might even know each other.

"H-how did you make it?" Iris asks.

"You stay together," Seth answers. He turns to me, "That's what you said in District 12. The four of you survived because you stuck together."

I nod. "Yea, that's the only reason any of us got as far as we did. Without Rotor I would've been killed at the bloodbath, Rotor would've died alone if not for Colvin and Clea, those two would've been killed if I didn't get back in time, Rotor stopped me from losing it, and Colvin and Clea gave me a reason to stick around and I would've died when they tried herding us to the fence."

Iris looks up, "What would've happened if it came down to you and Colvin?"

"One of the mercies of that arena is I never have to find out," I sigh. "I almost wasn't the victor."

"Yea, you pushed him out of the way," says Seth. "Why?"

A reporter asked me that same question upon my first return to Five. It was simple. I saw the building collapsing, he didn't. And instead of letting it fall on us both, I pushed him away.

Jay had another answer for me later. _"Because you're your father's daughter."_

Seth and Iris are anxiously awaiting my answer. "It was one of those hard decisions I made before it happened. In that moment I thought it was one or both of us when the building fell."


	6. Chapter 6

I let them ask whatever questions they want, even the personal ones so long as they relate to the arena. Anna shows up around dinner ready to discuss the games and together we answer all their questions or at least I hope. Before the end of our discussion I give them a heads up on the first thing that will happen when we arrive at the Capitol. In no time we're there and it's time to hand them over to their prep teams.

"I will see you both right after the chariot ride," I say.

They nod before they're taken away.

As for me I'm whisked away to meet with my old stylist, Leo. Once again he and Camry will oversee the look of District Five. Not sure if that should assure me or not but I go with it anyway.

We had a discussion a few weeks ago about my look for the games. Essentially what I said was tone down the Capitol fashion, but turned it to make it sound like I didn't want to outshine my kids. When I see the dress for me, a surprisingly tasteful flowing red dress with gold trim that sort of resembles my costume last year for the parade, I actually smile. Who knew that Leo could actually make clothes with sleeves and no slits?

He personally sees to my facial prepping and hair styling. Leo says he's curious about my life but as soon as I go on talking about things I've been working on, he loses interest or is lost on the topic. My guess is the latter, but either way it keeps him out of my private life.

When he's finished he gives me a kiss on the cheek and tells me he's off to meet Iris. Anna comes back in and complements my appearance before taking me to meet all of her friends known to me as 'the sponsors'.

More pictures, questions, meeting people. All I know is to stay nice to these people because if anyone is going to help my kids in that arena it will be them. Eventually I run into Seeder and Amaranth who are delighted to see me and I them. I need all the real friends I can get.

All twenty-five victors are brought together for a group shot. Amaranth puts an arm around Seeder and me and says "Now ladies, smile pretty for the cameras otherwise you won't look as good next to me."

The ludicrousness of it all makes me burst out laughing. The photographers go crazy and when they're done with the group shots they ask for more shots of just the three of us and then just Amaranth and me. Apparently there's a rumor going around that I have a love interest and who else could it be but the handsome victor of District Twelve?

I can see the women shooting daggers at me and I know that will be a problem. If I was in an arena with these women I have no doubt that I would be their first target.

"Hope you have a clever way to get out of this?" he says through his teeth.

Looking over at the largest concentration of women I act as if I'm looking for someone.

And then someone asks the question. "So are you two an item?"

"Would you like us to be?" I ask playfully. Several people chuckle and I laugh myself before adding. "Sorry, but no. I think Amaranth's eye is on someone else."

Just about every female in the area screams out with ear-piercing glee. Some are even crying and holding up signs to get his attention. Sometimes I really wonder how girls can act like this.

Another reporter presses forward. "So is there a special someone in your life?"

Again I act all coy, "I think it's safe to say that. I can't wait to see him again."

Every camera and microphone is near me now and questions of 'who's the lucky man?'

"Oh, he knows who he is and if he doesn't, well, I'm just going to make him figure it out. Back home it's not proper for a lady to chase after a man."

Quickly they lose interest once they realize there's no chance they're going to get me to talk and move on to the next victor. Off to the side Amaranth is laughing. "You're mean, mean-spirited. I think I might actually like this year."

More talking for hours on end and then it's almost time for the parade. Amaranth escorts Seeder and me through the crowds down to the Training Center. It's slow going at first, but with everyone pushing to get to their seats we soon make good time.

"By the way, I appreciate your warning," I tell Amaranth.

Amaranth grimaces, "I'm glad nothing extra came of it."

But something did come of it. It must show on my face because Seeder then jumps in, "How far?"

"Little more than three months," I say.

No one says anything, but Seeder gives me a hug. I realize quickly that my greatest confidents outside my family will be the other victors. Only they know what I'm going through and maybe we can teach each other how to get through things. After all, we can only survive if we stick together.

Before I know it the parade is over and it's time to go to the apartment. Anna bubbles away as she shows the kids to their rooms. But none of this I hear. There are so many memories in this place and each is vying for a position in my mind. Finally I take a deep breath and go to my room.

There's only one thing that I can do for my two kids and that's be there for them when I can. In the mornings I'm always in the common areas until training. Afterwards Anna pulls me away to talk to more of her friends, but I'm always back at the apartments when training ends.

The day of training for the interviews rolls around and Seth and Iris ask to train together. Anna spends the morning teaching them how to walk properly, be lady and gentlemanly like, and say a thousand phrases with a smile and the like.

And then I get them after lunch. From my conversations with Anna's friends I learned how I got sponsors. And yes a lot of it was from looks, but I got some for my personality. Play up the right angle and you can get sponsors.

"Well I think that went just smashingly," says Anna as we enter the elevator. The interviews are done with and we're returning to the apartment. "Now just dinner and the recap before we're off to headquarters."

"Tonight?" I ask.

Anna turns to me, "Of course dear. Got to get those sponsors signed up before the games start in the morning."

Iris and Seth are exchanging glances shocked that I won't be here tonight either. There's no time to talk when the car opens up and we get off. Soon after the preps and stylists arrive in the next car and we take our places for dinner.

The recap is over quicker than I want it to be and the TV turns off. The preps and Anna all say their farewells before hopping on the elevator.

"I'll wait for you in the lobby," says Anna.

I turn to my two kids.

Seth looks at me, "So what did you do on your last night?"

Sighing I look at the TV room where Rotor and I spent most of the night. "As soon as everyone was gone, Rotor and I played chess until neither of us could stay awake."

"You two were close," says Iris.

I nod, "I had a month to get to know him. I miss him. And that's a good thing." I clear my throat before adding, "Remember, if you're going for it, get away from the bloodbath and find water."

Neither looks like they want me to leave nor do I want to. I give each of them a hug knowing it will probably be their last one. "Chess set is in the closet if you want it."

"Falon," says Seth just before I get on the elevator. "Were you scared?"

My thoughts drift back to the last night of the arena. I drilled Rotor on our strategy anything to keep our minds off of our fear. These two need the truth.

"Terrified, anyone in their right mind would be. But then I guess I gave that right up when I volunteered. No one back home will think less of you for being scared, especially not me."


	7. Chapter 7

Down in the lobby the other victors and escorts are gathering. Amaranth detaches himself from a group as soon as he sees me.

"No, it never gets easier," he says without my asking.

I stare out into the city at the people I detest most in this world, they who demand blood of innocent children. I never want it to get easier, because I'll be just like them. But this is the world I'm condemned to year after year for the Games.

Seeder and I stay close as we sign up the sponsors through the night. Anna talks to them, they come find me, and we sign the forms. That's how it works.

Magnolia from District Four, comes up to me when the crowd thins. I know I met her a few months ago on the tour but I don't remember it much. Honestly I thought she'd despise me for killing her tribute, but that's not her style.

"You did well for a newcomer," she says.

"It's Magnolia right?" I ask.

She smiles, "Just call me Mags. We all get nicknames eventually. We haven't decided on yours yet."

I shrug, "My family calls me Lynn."

"Nah," she says shaking her head. "Keep that one for home."

Another victor, a male from Nine named Garth, come up slightly drunk, "How about Vixen? That's what the pack called her right before they got themselves killed."

Disapproval is etched on every part of Mag's face and I don't blame her. I'm rather disgusted with him myself. He ignores us and walks away laughing.

"Welcome to the control room," says Mags.

Inside this room is the most technology I've ever seen in a single space. A hologram rests in the middle showing what can only be the arena. The game technicians and makers are all seated around it with more computer screens. The air is tense as if they are all preparing for a final exam rather than plotting murders of twenty-three children.

Up on the screens is every tribute going into the arena. My eyes quickly find Seth and Iris as they pace their room with the stylists looking on. Ten o'clock is quickly approaching and soon the tributes are rising in the tubes. Someone gives us a play by play on what is ready and what isn't to which they quickly scramble to fix the situation.

Before the private sessions my kids entered into an alliance with Seeder and Amaranth's kids. An alliance of six should get somewhere. How wrong we were.

Iris died in the bloodbath along with Tress, Seeder's boy as they went for the supplies. The others were able to group together, but the Gamemakers weren't thrilled about a second pack in the arena and quickly divided them up, hard.

Just like that, my first two kids are dead in a matter of days. The Capitol couldn't send a clearer message. No more teaming up with other districts.

Mags places a hand on my clenched fist and slowly I relax.

"I guess that's it then," I say rising from my chair. "Now what? Does a train take us home now?"

Amaranth comes up behind me holding a glass of wine, "Sorry Vixen, not until the games are over. If we're not needed for anything, we can leave as soon as the victor is determined."

"Vixen?" I ask with an eyebrow raised.

He gives me a boyish smile, "Kid, you have to admit it suits you."

I just roll my eyes.

Not leaving until a victor is decided means another couple weeks in the Capitol. I get pulled away to a river retreat for a surprise birthday party and everyone who's anyone is there. There's only one way to make the most of it and make allies for next year, people who might sponsor my kids next year.

Anna comes up to me with a seemingly young man and a woman dressed in finery. After my time in the Capitol I've learned you can't really tell how old a person really is by appearance. For all I know, they could be in their 50s.

"Falon, there's someone who wants to meet you," chirps Anna.

Surprise. That's all anyone wants to do when they see me.

"This is Marcus Panthra and Messalina Galba…"

I flinch slightly. This is the president's daughter. I can't bring myself to say it's a pleasure to meet you, so I simply bow in respect. Does she know I carried her half-sibling for a time?

"Ah, I just loved your game Falon," Messalina pipes in. "I'm sorry about Colvin. Wish they would've let two victors win last year."

"If that was the case it would've been Blaze and I since he killed Colvin," I say.

Marcus nods his head in agreement, "I was hoping this year's batch would produce the same results. Lost a lot of money on those kids."

Twenty-three kids will be dead this year and he's concerned about the loss of a few coins. But my gaze softens, maybe I can get these two to sponsor again next year. "Well, if anyone jibs you about it, you can always tell them you didn't expect them to get far and that it was only an early birthday present for me."

Marcus' eyes light up and he looks at Messalina, "Oh I like this one. I think I'll do just that."


	8. Chapter 8

The games are over, the victor crowned, and I'm on my way home. As soon as I'm in my room, I collapse on the soft bed and fall asleep. I'm so exhausted that I don't even remember the train leaving the station.

About two hours before arriving I wake up and go to the dinning cart to an awaiting attendant. As soon as he sees me he jumps up ready to serve. I order some hot chocolate, because let's face it I'm a little addicted. When he returns it even has a bit of whipped cream.

"Did you enjoy your stay at the Capitol?" he asks.

"Well enough, but I've got to confess I miss the quite back home. Messalina Galba took me clubbing last night and it was a bit of a ride."

The attendant smiles, "I understand you two managed to evade her bodyguards for two hours."

"Three hours and that was just the first time," I say without thinking. "I've got to hand it to her, she has skills."

My mind drifts off to last night during the victory party at the president's mansion. Our newest victor is still shell shocked and Jade, his mentor from District 1, stays close to him. I was just finishing a dance with Amaranth when President Galba's assistant came to collect me. Amaranth squeezed my hand before letting me go.

When I get to the family portion of the mansion, Messalina comes out of her room and smiles. "Did you know I was just going to come find you? Liam how did you know?"

Liam's mouth flounders a bit as the man himself shows up. Messalina spins around and smiles. With her hands clasped together and eyes wide and innocent she turns to her father. "Papa, I want to take Falon clubbing. Can I please?"

Her face takes the form of some child pleading for a new toy or something.

"Please?"

And then the unexpected happens, he relents. "All right, but don't stay up too late."

She lets out a catatonic squeak before grabbing my arm and racing through the halls. In no time we're in a car stacked with bodyguards and driving through the city. The first thing she does is drag me into one of her favorite stylists' shops to get a change of clothes for both of us along with some additional personal shopping.

Afterwards we hit several clubs. I try not to be boring, but this sort of partying is new to me. This sure beats the circuits off the other activity. We ditched the security detail around the third club and they hadn't caught up until we were in the fifth. Really it wasn't a bad night which ended with Messalina pestering the driver to get a move on it to get to the train station. We made good time and Messalina saw me to the train with a promise that we'll have to do this again sometime. All I can say is I'm all for it.

The train attendant brings me back to the present. "Well if you need anything just ring the bell."

"Thank you."

When the door shuts I am all alone again and my mind drifts back to the control room. A chill runs through me as I remember the snake like eyes of one of the Gamemakers. That look he gave me after Seth died has woke me up a couple of times. He's just another name in a long list of people I want to forget.

There're no cameras this time, no cheering crowd as I get off. Just my family and that's all I need. Gray wraps his arms around me and I lean into him. A few hugs from his parents and Jay and we walk silently back to our home. There are a few people that look up and watch us, but everyone can see how shaky I am and so they don't come up to say hello.

When I'm better I'm able to talk to Gray about everything. I still don't understand what I did to deserve him, but year after year he's there for me. Each year two kids go in and two corpses come out.


	9. Chapter 9

Another year is over and another victor is crowned. At last I can get away from these people I despise and get back home. During the games I have to think of benefits of being here. I get to see the other victors, some of which are my friends. Being able to do something for District Five's tributes is the other. But now there's something else entirely added to the mix and I'm anxious to have it proved or disproved.

The person that can take care of this problem is dismissing the last child out of the classroom. Every kid in the district knows who I am and I'm receiving a few looks before they rush back home. I've done a couple guest lecturers for the older students but any questions they ask always relate to the Hunger Games. Still it feels a little odd coming back to school.

"Ah, Falon," says Mr. Scaler. "To what do I owe the honor?"

His genuinely happy to see me, but I'm not sure he'll like me in a few minutes. I touch my ear and he nods. He's being listened to in here.

"Unfinished business, sir. I want to finish my schooling," I say making up an excuse.

He goes over to his cabinet with all his records and opens it. "Let's see, here we are. Top of the class, worked at the plant for three years… looks to me that the only thing you have left would be your final exam and to get your assignment at the plant. But I understand that circumstances prevent that."

"Yep," I say curtly. "Got to stick with gardening and fiddling with my experiments."

"Anything of interest?" Mr. Scaler asks.

I laugh. "It took a few tries, but I figured out how to build one of my favorite inventions from scratch. Place your hand on it and it instantly untangles your hair. Someone from District Three came up with it a few years back."

"You always did have a knack for figuring things out. Will you join me outside? My wife is expecting me."

"Of course."

We talk of nothing of consequence until we reach his house. His wife is home and greets me as I walk through the door. They exchange a few words, like how her day was and where their son was off to.

Mr. Scaler sits down with his wife and he looks at me, "So what is this really about? And I don't hide anything from my wife."

Trust. That's something I'm going to need in this conversation. "I would kindly appreciate nothing in this conversation being repeated anywhere."

"You have my word," says Mr. Scaler.

"And mine," says Mrs. Scaler.

I nod, admitting this is not going to be easy, but it's just how it is. "Do you know what I mean when I say that Capitol appetites aren't limited to the food?"

There is a few moments' pause before Mrs. Scaler slaps her hand over her mouth and Mr. Scaler is doing anything but look at me.

"I suspected as much," he says.

"Well, this last trip I was sent to spend the evening with Marcus Panthra."

There's a flicker of recognition behind his eyes. Could it be true? "He showed me a video of a negotiation between the Capitol and Thirteen. I saw either you or someone who closely resembles you on that video. I want to know if it's true. Is District 13 still operating?"

When I walked into Marcus' apartment I had a rough idea how the evening would go. Sure it started out with a dinner for just the two of us, but I never would've guessed what happened after. Once dinner was over he led me to a small room with a computer and other devices telling me he wanted to show me something.

What he showed me was Thirteen agreeing to play dead in exchange of being left alone and not launching their newly acquired nuclear missiles against the Capitol. He then showed me the real bombing of the district with no person in sight. The bombs blew up only the stuff on the surface while the people were safely tucked away underground in secure bunkers.

_ "Feel free to play on that, but for tonight only. Goodnight," he said. _

After getting over the shock that this was the end of our date, I started to do just that. I knew enough about computers to know how to navigate around one and went through file after file. In the front of my mind I thought all of this was a lie, but further back I questioned if there was truth to what I was seeing.

Mr. Scaler leans forward and rests his arms on his lap. "It's true."

"Benton!"

He puts his hand on hers, "Gabby, look at her face, she knows. The question is what will she do with this information?"

"Depends on how trustworthy this jabberjay is," I say.

This seems to amuse Mr. Scaler. "Marcus Sr. was one of our best informants during the rebellion. His son was hardly twelve when the rebellion ended, so I can't vouch for him."

"D-do you think you could contact 13?"

The two of them look at me quizzically. "We left Thirteen," Mrs. Scaler says. "When the Treaty of Treason was announced we were among those that said to hell with our agreement and we should enter the war again. Those in charge thought differently and so we left. We were just a pair of stupid teenagers to them so they let us go without a fuss."

Mr. Scaler picks up the story, "We chose Five because it's large enough to hide in, but small enough that I could get to know each and every student that passed through the school. That way I would know those selected as tributes."

He holds up his finger and retrieves a book. "I've written everything I know about each tribute from this district that ever went into the arena."

Handing it to me, he lets me scan the pages and sure enough he has done exactly what he said he did. There are notes as to the tribute's family, friends, their personality, how well they did in school, and other notes. All of this is followed by a summary of how they died in the arena. I scan over the first two decades, but slow down and read the tributes I remember.

The notes on Boron are what I suspected at first, but there are other things I didn't know about him. My breath catches when I read that he took tressrae out at least four times a year. Not for him but for some of our friends, ones that had too many mouths to feed. The year he was chosen to go into the games, he had his name in the bowl a total of forty-two times. And to think he ratted me out to my father when I tossed out the suggestion. Got the lecture of a lifetime after that.

But then I get to Rotor's and my descriptions. There are several pages dedicated to the events after the announcement of the Quell. The fights, the packs formed, and a small list of kids that he suspected would end up the tributes. Rotor's name is on there for the boys, but my name isn't listed for the girls. Kara, one of my friends, is on there along with a few other names I recognize including the mayor's daughter, Pepper Hearth.

The next pages are about Rotor. I stop and have to read a line three times before I look up. "H-he would've gone in anyway?"

Mr. Scaler nods, "Him or one of his siblings. Because of our stupidity in fighting amongst ourselves, the Capitol now knows which families lead the rebellion in their districts. I'm not sure if you know this, but every year since the Quell at least one child from those families has gone into the arena. Rotor is the one who got lucky to go in with you."

It takes a little time for my head to wrap around this concept. Ever since my games it is hard for me to grasp things as quickly as I did before. At least I can still figure things out.

I shut the book and hand it to him. "Thank you for letting me see that."

"You don't want to read what I wrote for you?" he asks.

In truth I do want to read it, but I think I've had enough shocks for one day. "Not today. Thank you for your time, sir. Mrs. Scaler."

"Just call me Gabby," she says. "We're both adults now."

As they walk me outside I notice a few Peacekeepers out and about. They're nowhere close to have overheard the conversation, but they know I was here. Turning back to Mr. Scaler I smile brightly. "Thanks for the help. I really do appreciate this. Normally I'm given a topic when I guest lecture."

Mr. Scaler understands what I'm getting at and nods, "Anytime, Falon. I will see you next week at school."

Again I'm sent to spend an evening with Marcus Panthra and it's not much different than last time. More things shown to me to gain my trust and this time I know it's the truth. Marcus, like his father in the Dark Days, is helping to reorganize the rebellion.

Over the last year, everything that I had found out I discussed with my family and we agreed that we would risk our lives to bring back the rebellion. Marcus was more than pleased to learn I was in. He and Messalina Galba have introduced me to a new game, my favorite and by far and the deadliest.

My job is simple: to figure out anything and anyone that will be of use to the rebellion. I've proven very useful to them with my ability to read people and figure out who is sympathetic to the districts. It's slow going, but at least I have something to grasp onto to keep my sanity at the games.

In exchange I'm given something more than I could dream of: hope. Hope that I could be somewhat whole again. Messalina gave me these pills that help me think clearly and remember things. My mind is almost like before the games. And then there's an entirely different type of hope. Gray and I decide to start a family out of hope that one day they'll be able to see Panem fall and live in this new world we're helping to create.

With so much work to do, Gray and I don't think it will be in our lifetime. Our first child came into the world nine months after the Twenty-ninth Games. We named him Boron Jay Welkin. I threw caution to the wind a long time ago but it all comes back when I think of what type of world we've brought him into.

I thought I couldn't love anyone as much as I love Gray. As I hold Boron in my arms I feel something even stronger every day. This is my baby and I almost pity the person stupid enough to hurt him.


	10. Chapter 10

I can remember everything that happened the day the game changed. I was in town with Gray and our almost three year-old son just browsing in the market on a beautiful winter afternoon. We're about to call it a day since Boron's future sibling is turning me into a punching bag when a Peacekeeper approaches us.

"Mrs. Welkin, you have a phone call from the Capitol. It's urgent."

This grabs the attention of everyone around us. During the months I get to spend at home the Capitol has always left me alone, until now. Being seven months pregnant it takes awhile for me to get to the Justice Building where the nearest phone is located.

I'm left alone in the room to dial the number.

"This is Fal-"

"Falon I need you here." The voice is Messalina's and she is in tears.

"Lina, what's the problem?" I ask.

There's more sobbing. "Father is dying. Some kind of poison. I-I don't know who to trust right now. Please."  
It felt weird to have the president's daughter trust me so much, but I know she's more than she appears to be. She's like me, hiding who we really are and under the mask is true nobility. I tell her I'll be there and she says she's sending a hovercraft to my house that will be there soon.

An official drives my family home and I have enough time to write a note to Jay, Rose, and Elian on where I'm going before the promised hovercraft arrives. Gray kisses me farewell and holds Boron up so I can hug and kiss him good-bye.

Camry, Rotor's stylist, got dragged into this mess since Leo was off somewhere doing a photo-shoot or something. She and her prep team go to work on me in the limited time they have before we arrive at the Capitol. Even to a deathbed I have to look presentable.

Once in the Capitol I am immediately taken to the President's mansion and brought to Galba's chambers. The only others in the room are Marcus and a couple doctors. As soon as Messalina sees me she rushes to hug me.

Galba's eyes focus enough to know I'm in the room. "And who is the father?"

Speaking my honest mind without penalty is one of the few liberties allotted to me in this room. I give him my answer from last time. "Who is or who's going to be?"

President Galba laughs which quickly turns into coughing. Once the doctors get that under control the president dismisses them.

"Still playing the game I see," says Galba. "I'm glad, most of your kind drop out by now. I'd be truly disappointed if you weren't still in the game. My daughter will need an honest player on her side."

"And I'm to be trusted?" I ask.

My question is ignored when he calls Lina to him. "Play the game well against Coriolanus, my dear. And may the odds be ever in…"

More coughing up blood, gasping for breath, and then silence.

"Papa?" Messalina tries shaking him, but it's no use. He's gone.

I will admit a sense of satisfaction at watching him die. I am far from sad that this monster is dead, but I know there are far worse ones to take his place. The question is who will be the next monster?

Marcus places a hand on Messalina's shoulder and she begins to cry. Even though she's helping the rebellion, she still loves her father. That was one of the reasons I never fully trusted her.

"I will make the announcement if you wish," he says.

"Please," Messalina replies.

Marcus leaves the room to speak with the media and I'm left alone with a corpse and Lina.

"So what happens now?" Messalina asks still clutching her father's hands. "Everything was a game to him and he said you would know the rules to keep me alive."

The thing is I do know the rules and would gladly tell them to her but I don't like the fact that Galba let her know that. I feel like I've been played from the beginning. Well, I have, but I've done my fair share of playing.

I get to have my little acts of rebellion. With the gold from my victor's crown, since I would use no other, Jay fashioned four pins with the symbol of a mockingjay. I personally delivered the one to Rotor's family while Amaranth delivered the two pins to Clea and Colvin's families back in District 12. The last one is mine, safely hidden back home reminding me why I am alive and that I'll make their deaths count.

Other plays have included my talks with Galba, spinning the truth to get other victors out of trouble or their families. Heck, even keeping my family was one of my plays. Galba knew about Gray, knew what he meant to me, but did nothing. He liked the fact that I played the game and was even amused by my actions. So long as I remembered he always had the upper hand, no one would get hurt.

But Galba's last game is going to be interesting to say the least.

"The question is what do you want to do, Lina?"

She takes a moment before answering, "I want the Hunger Games over. I've hated them ever since they've started. And I want Coriolanus to pay."

I know Coriolanus Snow and he frightens me and for good reason. He's a narcissistic psychopath who enjoys mind-games and explains his actions as being for the greater good. But the idea forming in my head makes him useful. It's disgusting what I'm thinking. No longer am I a victor after this, I'm a bloody gamemaker.

The look Messalina gives tells me that she knows something is forming in my mind and that I better spit it out. My baby is kicking me again and I have to sit down. "There're two things you can do. One, the option I prefer, is just to kill Snow or two to let him live."

"And the Hunger Games?"

"You must know there's no way the games can truly end so long as the Capitol is the reigning power in this world. The president that tries to will be so unpopular they'll be ousted and the next president will be sure to make the games larger than ever."

Messalina thinks on this for awhile. "So what do you suggest?"

"There has to be another rebellion. And it must succeed this time." I hesitate knowing what might happen if this plan goes forward. "Who better to speed things along than Snow?"

A dark smile creeps over Messalina's face as she figures out what I mean. "Make him think he's the ultimate player when in reality we're playing him. And when the rebellion succeeds it will be the biggest embarrassment ever. I like it."


	11. Chapter 11

I'm in the hospital at Messalina's insistence to check on the baby. Everything is fine so far and I learn I'm having another boy. In truth I like surprises and intended it to be so, but the doctor was so excited they had a victor as a patient she just blurted it out.

The TV in the room suddenly turns on. At first I think I rolled over onto the remote until I see the official seal of Panem. I know by now that even if the TV is off, an emergency signal will automatically turn it on.

Messalina is at the podium with a select group of her father's advisors behind her. Reporters are gathered together awaiting her announcement. Her appearance is calculated down to the last curl in her hair. Even though I know what she is going to say, I still watch.

At first she talks about her father and his accomplishments. Silently I wait for my favorite part of this broadcast.

"My Father believed that every citizen of Panem was his child from the most prominent member of the Capitol down to the smallest babe of the districts. Even after the Dark Days, he still forgave them as a Father would. Therefore, in honor of his memory and mercy, all the districts will be showered with presents once a month for a year."

None of the advisors seemed fazed by this. Good, she presented the plan as her own and didn't surprise them in front of the media. Right now I'm hoping that doesn't come back to bite me.

"To be fair to our newest victor of the Hunger Games, Jannie Wright, District Ten will be honored one additional year so that they might also partake in my Father's mercy."

With those words step one, to make Galba unforgettable to the Capitol and to the districts, is complete. There are a few more things to add to the game. For the time being, Messalina and Marcus are in charge, but neither is running in the coming elections, if you can really call it that, as she is announcing now. There's so much corruption in the Capitol I doubt it will be a fair running.

All through the lead up to the funeral, I'm pushed back to my position of victor to observe the playing of the game from a close distance. Galba's body is put on display as what appears to be every member of the Capitol passes by him to pay their respects. All the victors are brought in for the funeral. We're celebrities so how could we possibly miss such an event?

"So far so good," Marcus whispers as he leads me off to a sitting room. "I had the room swept a few minutes ago by my people. No bugs, cameras, or microphones."

"Thank you," I say back.

All the victors have assembled inside and once the door is shut behind me, Amaranth leaps up. "Check you out, how much further to go?"

"Not sort enough," I reply exasperated. "According to the doctors seven weeks give or take.

There are a few other pregnant victors in the room, most of which are as far along as I am, but there are two at earlier stages.

"Vixen, you actually look choked up about this," says Woolf, a victor from District Eight.

"I thought her name was Falon," says our newest member, Jannie of District Ten.

"Oh it is," says Amaranth good-naturedly. "You don't get to call her that though, only us old victors."

Jannie is genuinely puzzled. "Why?"

"The Pack in her games called her Vixen in the arena because they thought no one from Five could get a nine in training," explains Woolf. "Thought she'd be easy, but Vix took them down."

Amaranth smiles at me, "Although it is still possible that she got her nine from being pretty."

"My dear Amaranth, I got my sponsors by being pretty. I got my nine for my knife throwing skills." I turn to everyone in the room. "We all here?"

Playfully we do what we always do and count off what game we won. A few numbers aren't called, those who are no longer with us. I get to shout out "Twenty-five" and the count continues stopping at thirty-two with Jannie.

"All right, Vixen, what's this about?" asks Jade, a victor from One. She's played her hand well, getting a wealthy Capitolist to fall in love with her and demand exclusive rights to her from Galba. It's better than being passed around like some of the others have. I got stuck with Galba and technically Marcus.

Upon seeing my discomfort, Amaranth escorts me to his seat on the couch.

"First off," I start, "there are no cameras in this room or microphones so any reactions in here are safe."

There are a few curious glances exchanged.

"Second, yes I was at Galba's deathbed. He was alive when I got there so I did get to watch him die rather painfully. But the reason I call-"

"Painfully," says Zain from District Four. "Is that really all the detail you're going to give us?"

Several others chime in their agreement. I spend the next few minutes recounting everything I saw and heard in that room, with a few exceptions, and this satisfies them enough for me to continue.

"I arranged to meet with all of you to warn you of what's coming," I sigh.

"Oh?" asks Casca cockily. He's District Two and one of my least favorite people from the districts and that's saying something.

My face takes the form of when I'm in the box during the Hunger Games, focused and deadly serious. The look that sometimes frightens the others, but also gains respect from them. "Yea, so listen up. Our list of lovers is about to drastically increase after the election is over. Everyone who's running is making promises that in exchange for support, financially or politically, they will have their choice of victor for a night or more if they get the position."

Several of my friends sit down. Those who have another victor in their district are looking to their mentors as if there's something they can do. Mags comforts her young victor, Rhanis, who won only two years ago and is quite popular.

"Whoever gets to be President will probably flex his or her muscles when they take power and we're most likely going to be the examples in the districts. Galba rarely had to carry out his threats because we all behaved. This new power, I think will carry out his punishments before even giving a warning. Be careful."

A young District Two victor, Scorpus, points at me accusingly. "You're just playing some sick game with us."

"She's district, idiot," says Casca disgusted. "And besides, she's rarely wrong. Called Volts' victory ten minutes before anyone walked into the trap."

Beetee, the lone victor of Three perks up, "Really?"

That's all I have to say and the victors start talking or arguing amongst themselves. Jade glares at me as she approaches. We've never really been on the friendliest of terms, but we are civil towards the other. "Question, Vixen, are you protected?"

I roll my eyes, "This year at least. No one is going to want a woman who's nursing a three-month old baby. But next year? I'll probably be in big trouble if I show up pregnant. Right now I'm terrified for this child," I say rubbing my belly. "He'll be old enough for the next Quell."

After the funeral I get to go home. Amaranth, Seeder, and a few others share the train ride home with me. We're reserved avoiding our normal playful bantering as the train plows through a late winter storm.

Just before I'm about to get off Amaranth stops me. "You know who it'll be, don't you."

My answer is picking up a little snow off the post and handing it to him. Never before had I seen him this scared.

"I'll see you at the games," he says as the doors close and the train moves on.

Hardly two steps off the platform and my son is wrapping his arms around my legs. Gray is there a moment later holding me tight. I don't have to tell him anything, he figured it out.

No one outside my family and the Scalers understood why I wasn't relieved at Galba's death.

"Ever get stung by a tracker jacker?" I ask them. "Well let me tell you part of it. You think the nightmare is over, but there is always just one more to take its place. And the last one is the worst. Just wait."


	12. Chapter 12

Rotor Colvin Welkin joins our family while the elections are in full heat. I practically wanted to curse out Jade's lover for being one of the strongest candidates. Then again I was in labor and had a temper with everything. But my feelings were more of a foresight. A few days ago, he dropped in the middle of a feast along with a few others at a political rally. Right now the ruling is a case of bad shellfish and no doubt the people in District Four are suffering for it.

Both of my children are asleep upstairs as the news rolls around. There are a few more unexpected deaths to report. One of them is the widow of a prominent member of President Galba's circle. Her name sticks out to me because she is one of the people helping to reestablish the rebellion. The next day her son withdraws from the race.

In the time since Galba's death, the visitors from the Capitol seem to be non-existent. Only the current officials and peacekeepers remind us of the Capitol's control over us. But even they go easy on us, waiting to see who will finally take power.

The bloodbath of the elections is over and there are only three left to vie for the crown. Then the votes are cast and the winner takes power. As of this moment Panem's new president is Coriolanus Snow.

Again I have to leave for the games leaving Boron and my three month old son, Rotor Colvin, in the care of my old friend Kara who is just finishing nursing her daughter. On the train I watch the recap with my new kids, Alara and Vac. District One is first off and I know one of the kids.

"What's wrong?" Alara asks.

I stare at both of them. "That boy they just called… do not be responsible for his death. Avoid him at all costs."

"All right," says Vac a little nervous.

The boy is no threat to them, he's just twelve years old. But I see the warning as clear as day to what Snow could and would do if you opposed him. "He's a victor's son. A mockingjay."


	13. Pt 2: Night's Shadows

Partway into prep week, President Snow brings me into his office. I've been in this room a few times and notice the differences right away. Most of the keepsakes are gone, likely reclaimed by Messalina. Over the mantel is an overly large portrait of President Galba. Even in his death he sends chills down my spine.

The meeting is more or less a testing of the waters between us. Am I going to be difficult or of use to him? What kind of persuasion will ensure my cooperation? Will he even need to threaten me?

One of the things I notice is how he tries to be like Galba. He asks me about what my arrangement with Galba was and any deals I had with him. The list is somewhat long, but Snow appears unfazed. My guess is he already knows the list and is waiting for me to say something that never happened.

I sit back trying to remember anything else. "There are a few more, but I can't remember the specifics. They're all on that list he kept in the vault behind that painting over there. I left my own copy at home."

This catches him. So he knows I know Galba wrote it all down. Messalina gave me the heads up at the funeral. I guess it was something to ensure my cooperation in assisting his daughter. There were even a few things that he and I never even discussed.

"I appreciate your honesty," says Snow.

"Galba always told me that things are much simpler when people agree not to lie to each other."

Snow nods his head in agreement, "Very true. So I think it best if we also have that agreement not to lie to one another."

"Deal," I say.

Someone knocks on the door. "Excuse me, President Snow, but your fiancé is here."

"Let her come in." He looks to me, "I believe we've covered everything of importance. Training will be ending soon so I imagine you want to get back to your apartment."

I bow my head respectfully, "I do wish it, but only upon your leave."

"Dismissed," he says with a hint of a smile.

My eyes are starting to drop again, but I snap out of it. Amaranth brings me a drink loaded with caffeine and I take a gulp from it. Down in the arena, Alara tries to get a few precious moments of sleep. But what she can't see and the rest of us can, is that the other remaining tribute, a girl from District Two, is closing in on her.

Alara had more than decent sponsors. I can only attribute this to two women. Messalina loudly announced at the beginning that she was sponsoring District 5. This seemed to be a signal to others that it was all right to start placing bets again on tributes. And District Five was as safe as you could get.

No one, not even the friends and family of Jade's lover wanted to sponsor her son fearing how it might hurt them if they did. It didn't matter though. The boy was taken out in the bloodbath by the very girl stocking my tribute. Ever since then Jade has been hell bent on making sure any tribute besides her son's killer comes out.

When it came down to the two of them yesterday it became a battle between trying to curry favor with President Snow by sponsoring Statilia or support Messalina's friend and the one Jade promoted. Really between Jade and Messalina I didn't have to do anything except seal the deals. Alara got her first real meal in days because of it, but I know to be more careful than ever.

One thing is for certain, that girl has hyper vigilance. As soon as Alara hears the cracking of the twigs she is awake and alert. Quietly she slips away in the opposite direction. But not quietly enough, as soon as the two girls make eye contact, Alara bolts.

"Not that way stupid girl," Jade shouts.

I realize the same thing that she did, that Alara is heading straight for a pressure activated trap zone. Standing up I look at that space on the hologram. Just days before, Alara nearly walked into that same area but sensed a trap. To test her theory she tossed in a large stone that activated a burst of flame.

_"Not that way,"_ she had said deadpanned. That had earned her more sponsors. She's clever and funny.

Statilia throws her knife, but Alara ducks behind a tree and it misses. While Statilia yanks the blade free, Alara finds a place to hide.

"She's over there," shouts a Gamemaker gesturing wildly. "Look. Right there."

"Come on!" shouts another when Statilia still can't decide which way she went.

Watching the screen I think out loud, "What are you planning kid?" Alara has no weapon and is outmatched strength wise, but she is far from giving up. There's a reason she made Statilia come here. There's a chance that Statilia could go into the trap zone, but there's no guarantee.

Someone is talking to me, but I don't hear them. I'm too focused on what Alara is planning. "Got to give that girl something to chase, Alara."

As if she hears me, Alara picks up a stone and hurls it into the woods. Statilia's head snaps in the direction of the sound and rushes into the trap zone. Five minutes later a cannon blast is heard over the speakers.

My hands slap against my mouth. District Five has another victor.

Trumpets blare and the crowd cheers as Alara stumbles to the ladder. Everyone in the room cheers, exchanges money, or sits in stunned silence. Jade stares at the screen hungrily with satisfaction etched in every feature. I shutter wondering what would've happened if Statilia joined our ranks.

"Falon! Over here!"

Reporters are rushing up to me as soon as I walk out of the booth. I must look like crap not having slept in two days only leaving the booth for bathroom breaks and food. As soon as they get most of their questions I am escorted to the Training Center.

The hovercraft containing Alara is arriving just as I'm getting to the lobby after being bombarded with congratulations from members of the Capitol. Repeatedly I push the button for level 12 until the doors finally close.

On the roof Alara stumbles dazed from her new surroundings. When her eyes meet mine, she bursts into tears and I rush forward to hold her.

"You're out," I tell her as I hug her tighter.

One of the medics comes up, "All right, we need to take her downstairs."

"I'll see you as soon as I'm allowed. All right?"

Alara's head nods and lets herself be led off by the medics. I won't be permitted to see her until the hospital is done with her so I go straight to level Five and collapse on my bed. As I let oblivion take me I'm not sure that I should be happy or miserable that for the first time I get to bring a kid home. I know what it's like to be the survivor and it's a tough road Alara now joins me on. I wonder if I did the right thing.


	14. Chapter 14

The following months are a bit of an eye opener. It's like I'm watching my own homecoming from a distance. Her friends and family are overjoyed to have her back home. The rest of the district celebrates the fact that for the next year the Capitol will send presents of food. But there's something else I see. I see a girl lost in some surreal world fighting to get back to reality. And I know that these next several months will be difficult.

"Mommy!"

My observations are interrupted by a pair of small hands wrapping themselves around my leg. Immediately I pick Boron up and hug him and I can't help but get emotional that Vac's mother will never hold him again. And under that is another fear, that one day I might not ever hold either of my sons again.

Alara can't sleep at night any better than I could. The difference is that I'm already up at that time and can deal with her nightmares. It's so strange to be the one chasing off the nightmares of someone else. Other than those who fought in the rebellion, I can't think of a single person that has lived through a traumatic experience. Alara and I get them in spades.

The Victory tour rolls around and it's much like before except I'm completely lucid this time. Alara has recovered a lot over the last few months. From the beginning I told Alara never to try and hide anything from the Capitol. The district is full of their informants waiting to fill their bellies. It's just how our district and probably the other districts work.

The tour starts off in District 12. Near the front of the stage I catch the glint of gold. Colvin's little brother and Clea's elder brother both wear their mockingjay pins. My own is on my belt and I let it catch the sun so they know I brought mine.

At each district I introduce her to the victors. There are a few that I don't know well since they never show up at the games. Those are the ones that are too far gone to even know what the Hunger Games are anymore.

On top of my responsibilities as mentor, there are a few other things I'm doing on this trip. First off is to assess changes in the districts. Most of this Marcus will already know seeing as he was accepted into Snow's group of advisors. Marcus made it clear that he doesn't want the position of president and that he prefers to work behind the scenes. Hopefully that will keep him alive.

The other is to find out what is happening to the victors. Jade's son is the most obvious sign that Snow intends to mess with my friends. I worry so much about my own family and Alara's that I left a list of code words. Amaranth called my house to see if I left my blue shrug. If everything is all right at the house whoever answered is supposed to respond 'what in the world is a shrug' if not they'd say 'Give me a minute I'll go check'. Each room in my house has a meaning so where they 'find' this shrug tells me what happened. Seeder will have the reply by the time I reach District 11.

On and on it goes. The victor whose district we're in calls my house for something and then calls the victor of the next district to ask them to pass on a message. I don't do this in every district, only a couple, enough not to be worried sick of the possibility of coming home to an empty house. Thank goodness that fear wasn't confirmed.


	15. Chapter 15

I dread the Hunger Games more than I ever had before. Mentoring two tributes every year hurts enough. Seeing their desperation, anxiety, and pain about meeting death is enough to drive anyone insane. There've been a few that want to give it a go. Only Alara Cloud has come back. But now other nightmares have been added to the mix.

Alara became the first victor under President Snow. There was little I could do for her, but I did everything in my power. But I'm realizing just how powerless I am on certain game boards. I just have to keep playing along to see where this nightmare will lead knowing that I'm partially responsible. At least she fell out of popularity after a couple years.

Just when I think I have things figured out something new gets added. My once chatty servers that I joked with Rotor that I'd be happy to go into the arena just to get away from them are gone. In their place are servers that don't talk at all, they can't.

An Avox, they're called. Traitors or runaways from the Capitol that are punished by having their tongue cut out among other things. For what remains of their life, they serve the Capitol. I knew they existed before, but they were someone hid in the shadows and underground of Panem. Now they are people to be seen as an example.

Those who are guilty of speaking out against the Hunger Games or cruelty in the districts are usually assigned to the Training Center or to wait on us victor brats at the game center to share in our pain. The two that are servers on my floor are my age and it's hard to not acknowledge them year after year. To do so is to invite punishment for them.

However I will admit my job for the rebellion is easier than ever. When Galba was still in power it was hard figuring out who would be good for the rebellion. Those that helped in the first one are either dead or still frightened of discovery. But Snow made himself into the perfect villain, power hungry, cold, and calculating. Everything that was needed for someone to be to accelerate the plans.

Family and friends of the dead and those that have suffered at his hand are proving to be very useful in getting our underground network up and running. Some know I'm with the rebellion, but most think I'm being used by a lover planning to take power once Snow is eliminated. So what if I've left out a few details on how the information or connections are being used. I've been used enough by them that it's only fair to turn the tables.

Life at home brings its own problems, but my greatest joys. More than once I've asked Gray what I ever did to deserve him and his answer is always 'because you stayed you.' Sure we have our problems. There're the fights that every other couple goes through, but there are others that very few in Panem can relate. There are so many things he could throw in my face but doesn't. Our tempers have flared, but we always calm down. We've gotten really good at apologizing that's for sure.

Together we raise our two boys, Boron Jay and Rotor Colvin with our daughter, Clea Rose. We've always picked names of people of significance to us. Sure they're names I might've chosen had I never gone to the games, but they help me to remember that even though some of them might be mockingjays, they are still district and our children.


	16. Chapter 16

"Falon you really should get some rest," Anna chides for the thousandth time this week as I'm about to go back into the control room.

"When those kids are dead or one comes out as victor then I'll rest, not before," I snap before storming in.

A few victors look startled at me. Normally I can hold my temper better than this, but I'm just not in control of my emotions this year. This is something that'll be a problem if I'm not very careful.

Anna bravely follows me in, "I'm just concerned about you and your baby."

Every head within earshot turns to us.

"You're pregnant?!" Rhanis announces to the whole room.

"Again?" asks Zain. I give him a look that silences him instantly and he goes back to watching the screen.

My anger immediately disappears and I start crying. "I'm sorry, Anna."

"It's all right dear," she replies patting my shoulder. With that she's gone.

Casca looks at me good and hard, "So you getting all teary eyed about the parade this year…"

"They worked really hard on those costumes," I say crying even harder.

His eyes get wider than an owl's at a loss to what he should do which gets a good laugh out of everyone. At the time of the parade I really did burst into tears when I saw the costumes, but right now I'm just messing with him. Maybe these hormones will be a little fun after all.

Up on the screen I see little Sorrel dragging herself to a berry bush. The poor thing hasn't had a source of food in a couple days.

"No, no, no," I repeat as I get a good look at the berries. But she can't hear me and starts eating one after the other. Several minutes pass before she clutches her stomach. This berry was designed to draw out the pain for several hours and will gradually get worse until it kills her.

Sorrel forces herself to throw up, but the poison is already in her bloodstream. If anything it will just drag it out a little longer. I want to send her something, but can't. Both kids are too young and too small for anyone to seriously consider them as contenders. Not even Messalina or Marcus would take them on as sponsors.

An hour passes and Sorrel is curled up in the fetal position crying. On the map of the arena I can see another tribute getting closer to her. The Gamemakers pull him up on screen just as he's about to stumble onto her.

"Sorrel?"

Her eyes open just enough to see her district partner, "Jenner… don't eat the berries."

Jenner does his best to make her comfortable, even giving her some of his water. He's scared and I wonder if he'll stay or run. "F-Falon will send something. You'll see."

But Sorrel shakes her head, "S-she w-would've sent it a-already."

Another half-hour passes and it's clear that she's in agony, but she's struggling to put on a brave face for Jenner. There's a look in Jenner's eye, one that I know all too well. My mind drifts back to my own games. When I climbed the tree with the tracker jackers in it, I wondered when I would have to make good on my promise I made him before we went in. Rotor was injured and getting worse and, like now, no parachutes were forthcoming. We promised that if it came to it, we would end the other's suffering.

"What's that boy doing?" asks Jannie as Jenner reaches for the knife he came across two days ago.

"Ending it," I say through tears.

Back on screen, Sorrel whispers 'thank you' before squeezing her eyes shut. With a scream, Jenner drives the knife into her flesh. At long last her cannon fires. Jenner apologies over and over as he cries onto her face.

My stomach lurches and I have just enough time to get to a bathroom before everything comes up. Soon Seeder comes in and sees me on my knees pale faced and leaning against the bathroom stall.

"Oh my, Vixen. Amaranth!" shouts Seeder.

In a moment Amaranth, Mags, and Holly are all in the bathroom with me. Seeder sits on the floor and pulls my head into her lap trying to calm me in soothing tones. Amaranth grabs a towel and soaks it in cold water before dabbing it on my forehead while Mags and Holly wait to see where they will be needed.

My eyes close for a moment but when I open them I see two children that I know. The rational part of me is telling me I'm seeing things but the other part wants to believe what I'm seeing. Rotor North stands hand in hand with little Sorrel with a sad smile.

"Don't worry, I've got her," he says before leading her off. "She's going home, Falon."

Faintly Mags' voice pulls me back to the real world. "Get her up," says Mags. "She needs to go to the hospital."

Amaranth lifts me up as if I weigh no more than a leaf. "Door."

Holly holds it open and he carries me out.

"Need a medic!"

Once that announcement is made there are cameras and concerned faces everywhere. Oh how they can panic and cry out for someone they know, but are heartless when it's just another tribute.

"She's pregnant," Seeder tells one of the medics. With a nod he halts putting a needle in me and takes out a different one. After that I can only faintly hear the wails and pleas to the medics to 'please save her'. It would serve them right if I died here and now.


	17. Chapter 17

Only one dream sticks out in my head. I was in my arena by the waterfall camp. Rotor was standing across from me looking healthier than I ever remember him being. At first I was confused at seeing him there since he never made it to that point, but realized it was a dream (I had to be since I was wearing a dress). I know we had a conversation, but for the life of me I can't remember a single word.

'Stress and excitement for the games' that's what they called my incident yesterday. When I'm lucid again I'm ordered on bed rest for the remainder of my pregnancy and no more watching the games this year. My duties here no longer matter. Jenner died last night screaming at the Careers to come and find him. At least they were quick about it and not sick like some tend to be.

Since I'm ordered to be boring this visit, I'm allowed to leave the games before they're decided and go home. Alara stopped coming to the games the year she was no longer required. So I don't feel guilty about leaving her behind since she's already home. On the way home I stay in my bed staring off into nothing until a dreamless sleep overtakes me.

"You're home early," says the attendant. He takes my ID card and scans it into the computer. Soon every official in Five will know I'm back.

"Doctor's orders, Ketch. Have the bodies been returned yet?"

"Not yet. Got it on the schedule right here. Let's see, yep twelve o'clock two days from now."

"Thanks," I say. "So, what's new in the district?"

Ketch shakes his head, "Bad reaction when that girl got killed. A tribute from Five killing their own partner. Don't believe that's ever happened."

"No, it hasn't. But it almost did. Say hello to your wife from me."

Ketch smiles brightly, "Will do Mrs. Welkin. Careful when you pass through town."

He may not be district, but Ketch does sympathize with us. I've told him to watch who he lets hear him. While I've never known an Avox, I know some of the other victors have and I wouldn't want him serving me. No, I want Ketch here jabbering off all he wants.

Through back streets and allies I make it over to the graveyard. Two freshly dug graves await their new owners. In a few days time, Jenner and Sorrel's bodies will be returned to the district and buried. For once I'll be able to attend.

As I walk among the rows I recall each of my young tributes. I'm up to twenty-six now, and I know all of their names and a little about each of them. Out of seventy-six graves only numbers fifty and sixty-six are vacant.

My dream pulls me to Rotor North's grave. I still wish I could remember what he told me. Maybe we talked about Jenner and Sorrel's circumstances. Well, if I ever do remember that dream I'm going to write it down.

Two days later I'm down at the train station with Gray awaiting the families of the tributes. The glares shot in my direction are nothing new. Questions of why I hadn't saved a tribute with a parachute or prepared them better for the arena are hurled in my direction by the younger crowd every year. The older ones sometimes toss an accusation or two around but very rarely.

Sorrel's mother, Willow, comes up to me. "There were no sponsors were there?"

"No," I reply shaking my head. "Like you daughter said, if I had something I would've sent it already."

Willow nods her head. I give her a shoulder to cry on and hold her tight. We are both mothers. In three years my eldest will enter the reaping and I will have to endure the anxiety of whether it'll be my child that goes in. Game Fifty-Six, that will be the last year I will have to endure if my baby makes it that far.

Jenner's family takes longer to arrive and when they do it is together. Tension fills there air and I feel that I'm about to experience firsthand what Ketch warned me about. Being the neutral party in this, I stand between both of the families as the train arrives.

First Sorrel's family gets up and carries her box down and then Jenner's family does the same. The walk to the Justice Building seems a little too formal.

The tradition is simple. First a representative from the girl's family speaks and then the boy's. After that the boxes are lowered into the ground.

The tension is coming to a boiling point. The look on the face of Sorrel's father tells me there might be a fight after his words over his daughter. Before he can come forward, I step up.

"May I speak first?" I ask quickly adding, "If it's all right with both families that is."

They both take a moment to confer among each other before both nodding.

"A few weeks ago I didn't know either of these kids. Didn't know that Sorrel knew how to play the violin or that Jenner had amazing skills in building things. Some say that it is in the arena that you truly find out what kind of person someone is."

I take a moment to wipe my eyes. Sorrel's father watches me hungrily hoping I will add fuel to his fire. But that is not my plan.

"A little more than Thirteen years ago, I sat right over there on grave forty-six. The grave of my best friend. It was there I made a deal with my district partner, Rotor North. We agreed to stick together in the arena, but not for the reasons that some would think. I told Rotor that it took days for Boron to die from a knife wound.

"While I have never suggested it to any child bound for the arena, Jenner did exactly what Rotor and I promised to do for the other when it was clear we wouldn't make it."

A few gasps issue from those listening. I never spoke about this to anyone outside of my family and the North's. For all they know we teamed up to give the other a better chance at surviving not to put the other out of their misery.

"The only reason I didn't have to follow up on that promise was because we got separated and another tribute found Rotor before I did.

"Those berries that Sorrel ate were designed to gradually increase in pain over several hours before they'd finally kill her. Before the end she would've been screaming loud enough for every tribute and mutt in the arena to easily hear her. When I say that what Jenner did was a mercy I want you to understand my full meaning."

I look at both of the families. Sorrel's father is out of fire and quietly sobbing as he holds his wife. "One of the only things you're allowed to care about in the arena is what you become in there. Sorrel held her own for one so young and was brave right to the bitter end. And Jenner… Jenner proved himself braver than most people I know. I am sorry I didn't know your children better, but I will never forget them."

Bowing respectfully I back away and stand with my husband. The words are said and the children buried. After paying our respects, we leave.

"Still my Falon," says Gray as he wraps an arm around me.

I listen to his heart beat as we walk home with our arms wrapped around each other. This steady heart beat has kept me strong all of these years. I love him more than my own life, which is easy enough since I haven't had much regard for it since I volunteered for the Quell. Several times I've woken up from a nightmare that he was gone forever, but it was just a dream.

My peaceful daydreaming comes to a halt when I see Rose and she's not happy.

"What'd you do?" I whisper to Gray.

"Should we make a run for it?" he asks.

"I don't think we could beat her to the fence."

With a resigned sigh Gray says, "Well, it looks as if we have no choice but to accept our fate. Just know that I love you."

"And I you," I say with equal drama.

Rose walks up to us with her hands on her hips, which is never a good sign. All of the sudden I feel like a fifteen year old again in store for a scolding. At least we weren't short sheeting someone's bed this time. She sent me straight home when she found out. Her boys got in so much trouble for that but I was off the hook since Jay couldn't stop laughing long enough to punish me. That and he was just happy to see me smiling again.

All this is going through my head and probably Gray's as well as she stands in front of us. "Grayson Elian Welkin, you take that wife of yours up to your room this instant and make sure she stays there."

Gray and I exchange looks, slightly amused but don't dare show it.

Rose glares at me, "Anna called a little while ago to make sure you were following the doctors' orders and getting plenty of rest. Fail to tell me something when you came home did you?"

I smile sheepishly, "Oh, right… um I'm sort of supposed to be on bed rest for the next six months."

Rose turns on her son, "Grayson, I'm not going to say it again."

"Yes, Mother." With that Gray picks me up and carries me the rest of the way. "Definitely my Falon."


	18. Chapter 18

For the first week I'm pretty good about following the rules, but then get really bored. Benton Scaler brought over every book he has access to saying that to have me bored couldn't bode well for the district. The others found that amusing but me less so because of the hormones. Weeks go by and so far I've read every book at least three times, have jotted down notes for improvements to my old inventions, came up with some new ones, and caught up on my journals.

Every year I have gone to Benton's house to write about each child that has gone into the arena after his own remarks. This year Benton brings the book to me. With so much time on my hands, I start remembering things that are not in the books yet. My scribbles tend to get smaller on some pages since I'm running out of room. For those I just have to insert another page.

With all this free time I do what I've been putting off for years and begin writing my own story. Scary as it is, I force myself to watch my games over and over again so I can remember every possible detail.

Thirteen years, that's how long it's been since I returned home from the games. But as I watch and write things down I realize something, I never really left my arena. I only learned how to live there.

My three children are restless and trying their grandparent's patience. At least the boys are in school for part of the day otherwise I'm not sure what would happen. Clea takes her naps in my bed and when the boys return, they do their homework around me. They are more precious to me than anything else in my life.

Boron, my thinker, is in the same accelerated program that I was placed in at his age. Our greatest bond is in our experiments. We started off with the small things but he's picking things up faster than I can keep up. Even after all this time I'm still not as quick as I was before the games, but seeing Boron figure things out is better than being able to do it myself.

Rotor, my mischief maker, keeps us all laughing (although sometimes desires to strangle are mixed in there). He gets into more trouble than the others combined. Elian, Rose, and Jay have no end of comparison stories of Gray, Boron and me. When I misbehaved, my father used to warn me that I'd have a child just like me one day. Jay says that Rotor is a fulfillment of that threat.

And then there's Clea who is a complete mystery to me. Never in a million years would I expect my daughter to be so, well, girly. Unlike me she loves dolls, tea parties, and dresses things I avoided like the plague as a child. Gray is at a loss also, but Rose imagines that she would be like the daughter she didn't have.

Clea has the same bright blue eyes as Rose which gave me hope that she really is Gray's but it's a question I haven't asked and don't want answered. Gray said he's their father and that should be that. But it isn't, it never is. What happens if just one is his, or none of them at all, or all but one? This is why I don't ask. If I know, I will have to tell. I have an agreement with Snow that we will not lie to each other, my family will get the same promise and more.

Alara becomes a big help, taking the children outside and playing with them. Seeing her with them makes me wonder if she has regrets. At the Capitol she underwent a surgery to insure she never has children. She will never risk them to the arena.

On the other hand I've been having one right after the other. Mind you it took a few years before I was willing to get pregnant again. Like Alara I didn't want to risk my babies to the arena. But getting involved in the rebellion changed everything. For once I could see a world without the Hunger Games. It's a world that I wanted someone of my blood to see, to live in. Somehow I don't think I'll make it that far to see for myself. And then there's the arrogance in me, the Capitol can't have them all. But it's only a few short years before that game starts and Boron enters the reaping. But I guess I've mentioned all of this earlier.

A dinner date with the Peaks allows me to fiddle with the district's new toy. When I suspected I was pregnant with Gray's child, word was sent to Marcus by code. An official visit was arranged for him to come to District Five to make sure everything in the district was in good order.

Initially he had a visit planned after the games, but an excuse for being pregnant during the games needed to exist. One of the things with President Snow is how he tries to be like Galba. One of the rules was no being pregnant during the games with one exception. That's why Marcus arranged to come early.

His true purpose in District Five was getting a communication system up for our new mayor, Pepper Peaks. Her father stepped down after he deemed her ready for the job. I had a hand in her training by teaching her how to deal with the Capitol sometimes playing the role of an official. Many times after these sessions Mayor Hearth and Pepper would joke that it was a good thing I wasn't born in the Capitol.

As for this machine, Volts came up with the ingenious design. Sure I gave him everything I had on the darn things, but it was his brain that made it work. It takes a few tweaks here and there, but in the end we have a direct link to Thirteen and District Three.

Our first conference call involved the president of Thirteen, Volts, and me. Pepper's study was small but we squish the North's, Peaks, Gray, Elian, and Gray into the room. I'm certain Volts and the president had people behind them as well, but I couldn't see them. The less each of us know about the underground the better.

Volts and I had a few jokes that only a few would understand. Amaranth would call it 'squint speak'. Then we tested out the real fun about this machine and tapped into the security cameras. We try District Three first seeing nothing of consequence. It's night time and, unlike here, everyone has to be in their homes by now. But it's a live feed which is more than we ever dreamed of.

This is just one more step for the rebellion. Unlike last time, this rebellion will have fast and reliable communication throughout the districts. Instead of a birthday party for me (since we still celebrate one month early) we celebrated this new advancement. This time I weakened and bought a cake. Out of any party I ever attended, I was truly happy to be there.

Now, seven months later, the toy wants to misbehave.

Pepper and I get chatty while I work on the piece of junk machine.

"Ha! Who's your mama?" I say when I get it working again. "And now I can't get up."

Pepper laughs as she helps me back up. On the screen is the usual post games footage. If there was anything of interest there would be a series of beeps followed by a black screen before the new footage would be shown. I'm just hoping that there were no blank screens while it was down.

"All set, and not a word to my family that I was down there working on it, they'll have my head."

The Victory Tour for thirty-eighth games is underway and the shinny light at the end of the tunnel is nigh at hand. Any time now the baby will come and I swear this will be the last one. I think I'll change rooms after this since I've memorized every inch of this room and named just about every object in there (Hey, I was in here for six months!)

Gray's lips press on my forehead and I slowly wake up.

"I'm off to work. Go back to sleep," he whispers. "Jay took the kids out for a snowball fight."

"He's going to get clobbered," I laugh.

"Yep," Gray grins. "See you in the morning, Lynn. I love you."

My special smile slips on my face, "I love you."

His finger points at my belly, "Be good to your mother. Can't wait to see you."

"Get out of here," I laugh tossing a pillow at him.

Rose comes in as soon as Gray leaves. She's fussed over me during each pregnancy and this one is no different, minus the bed rest anyway.

"How are you feeling?" she asks.

"Pregnant," I say. There's a look on her face. "What's wrong?"

"There's… trouble in the district," Rose says. "It's only a rumor but…"

Her voice trails off questioning if she should tell me.

"Rose, I have only been in town three times in six months. I could use the gossip."

My mother-in-law nods, "Sorrel's death struck a nerve and it hasn't gone away. No one has said a thing around Elian or me, but I've got a feeling that this one might turn into something."

I'm worried, really worried. There's a perfect time some might think to have a demonstration and that's on the Victory Tour. There will be cameras everywhere and it will be hard not to notice something if it's big enough. But it won't matter. It will be edited out and the district will suffer for it. How many times do we get to see a riot in another district? Never. It's utterly forbidden. We don't even get to see the punishment of those that have one because that means that the Capitol lost control temporarily. So what are the people in my district thinking?

"Anything against the Capitol is stupid," I say.

Rose silently laughs. Any one of the things we've done in the district will get us all killed. Things I've done at the Capitol… I'll be tortured first for information and then killed. It's not a cheerful prospect, but it's a risk we're willing to take.

"Turn him into the Peacekeepers if you find out who it is," I say seriously. "I doubt this person understands the consequences of their actions and will get a lot of people killed for nothing."

We have to mouth our next words.

"Not for nothing," says Rose.

"Wrong time," I say back. "We're not ready yet. Not by a long shot."


	19. Chapter 19

My labor pains start as the Victory tour continues in District Seven. Our children are taken to the North's home and will stay there until their new brother or sister arrives. Gray and I joke between contractions that I might make the big dinner here in Five after all. It would be the first time I would've missed it and we're sure there will be a reporter or a dozen coming to the house to find out why.

But then things take a turn for the worse. It's been more than a day and still no baby. Gray has hardly left my side the whole time. I'm only vaguely aware that the train rolled in this afternoon. All the while I worry. And then the power to the district shuts off.

"We're not losing her like this!" Jay growls outside the room. I hear his feet on the stairs and the front door slam. Jay grew neurotic a short while ago saying that this was exactly what happened with my mother before she died.

"Mom what was that all about?" Gray asks when Rose returns.

"The phones are down so Jay's going into town to see if he can get a Capitol medic up here," she says.

Before I can say that I don't want them another contraction hits worse than the others. Each one has gotten stronger I'm hoping that's a good sign, but I've never felt anything like this before. All I know is that the baby needs to come soon. I don't have that much strength left.

I'm not sure how much time has passed when Elian swings the door open. "Gray, you have to leave now. Reporters came also."

My cry comes out as a pitiful whimper, "N-no, he has to be here."

"Lynn, I love you," Gray says squeezing my hand and kissing me before letting go.

"Gray."

But he's gone. Not a full minute passes before three medics loaded with supplies enter the room. They go to work on me immediately and the last thing I hear is my child taking his first breath in this world.

"You're going to be just like your mommy," says Messalina as she rocks him. "Except I hope you're not nearly as stubborn as she is." She turns to me, "You would've died if those medics weren't there."

I'm so exhausted that I don't argue. Except for the fact that I have a window and an overly large plushy bed, this scene reminds me a great deal of the time I came out of the arena. There are tubes in my arms to administer drugs and machines to monitor my vitals.

One of the machines starts to make noise and I know it means it's about to dispense its drugs. Talk about small favors. I won't have to put up with her current tantrum, but I probably will have to put up with a well prepared lecture. "Hey Lina, I'm about to get knocked out again."

"I'll be here when you wake up," she replies glaring at me. "We'll talk then."

And she is, still gently rocking my son and singing to him. Right now I think Messalina has a case of baby fever. There's a look of wistfulness in her expression that I know she wants to have a child, but she is past childbearing age.

"Got a name yet?" she asks when she notices I'm awake.

"Not sure on the order, but Aron, after my Father and Gray. I want him to be Gray Aron, but he wants him to be Aron Gray. Regardless, we're calling him Aron."

Messalina smiles and nods her approval.

On TV the commentators are going over the Victory Tour. They are now in District Two, but they're showing the footage from District Three. The victor is a girl from District Six. I wish that either Four, Eleven, or Twelve had won this year, that way I might've seen one of my friends. Instead I'll see Porter. He's friendly enough in his own way, but is addicted to morphling. A habit that I understand his young charge is getting addicted to as well.

Messalina and I watch the recap and once that's over they announce the exclusive footage on Falon Dawnson's new arrival. After loads of commercials I get to watch the drama unfold.

It starts with Jay rushing up to the cameras. "I need a medic now! Falon Dawnson is dying!"

Immediately after he says this, the camera switches over to hurried shots of the three medics rushing from a car and into my house with my screams easily heard in the background. The doctors note my progress and start pulling out all sorts of things. Personally I remember it taking longer, but there's only a few more minutes of labor before the baby arrives.

Apparently there was more excitement than I thought. There's a close up on my face as relief and joy at hearing my son, but only a moment passes before my head collapses into the pillow.

"Lynn, don't you dare. Come on wake up," says Rose lightly slapping my face. "She's not breathing!"

More orders and my baby and I are taken to a hovercraft. The excitement doesn't end there as the cameras stay focused on the table as the medics literally bring me back from the dead.

Vaguely I remember Jay squeezing my hand telling me to hold on, but I don't see him on screen.

"She's coming back," a medic says.

"Falon? Falon can you hear me?"

A little more excitement and then the doctors announces I'm stable. At the end there's a lingering shot on Aron in the hospital room before they cut back to the commentators. "Awe isn't he adorable," says the woman.

"Yes, I couldn't agree more," says Caesar Flickerman, the host of the Hunger Games for the past few years. "Not to worry ladies and gentlemen, even though she wasn't available for comment, the doctors say that Falon will make a full recovery and that her son is doing just fine. They will be kept here a little longer as a precautionary before returning home."

"Huh, so nice of the doctors to let Caesar know before I do," I tease. "Got to find out at the same time as Panem."

"You were asleep," says Messalina. "Besides it was the fastest way to let people know you were alive."

Something tugs at me but I am so tired and exhausted that whatever it is that I'm worried about is beyond my reach. But there is no denying the feeling that something is very wrong.


	20. Chapter 20

Visitors come and go. Anna, Camry, and both of the prep teams come in different times. Although not disappointed at his absence, I am a little curious why Leo hasn't come for a visit. He's always anxious to see me when I'm in town.

"Oh," says Bridle from my prep team. "Falon, you must not have heard. Leo has accumulated such a large debt it will be impossible to pay. He signed up as a Peacekeeper and he left for District Eight only three months ago."

My eyes open wide. Leo is one of the last people I thought would become a Peacekeeper. "Well, if he can't be in the splendor of the Capitol, I'm sure he'll be happy with all that fabric around."

"Very true," concedes Bridle.

My rather harried, but much loved, nurse comes in and shoos my visitors away. She about had a fit when she overheard Tress and Kala all worked up about my appearance and how they were going to bring their supplies next time and make me beautiful again. Nurse Epione put her foot down right then and there and gave the pair of them quite the scolding. Really this is one of the most entertaining visits I've had to the Capitol.

Porter and his victor, Veronica, make a couple visits. Sweetly I'm given a crown of flowers made up from the roof of the training center where the two are staying. I haven't the heart or desire to take them off. Those flowers are one of the few things I take pleasure in the Capitol.

Another week passes and I'm more than anxious to get home. Despite my eagerness, the doctors say they need to run some more tests. They won't even tell me why and I have more than a gut feeling that they're hiding something from me, and it has nothing to do with my health or my baby's.

Porter and Veronica are long gone and the Victory Tour is over. Messalina is conspicuously absent and Marcus has yet to make an appearance. My only visitors lately have been the hospital staff bringing in more presents from well-wishing citizens of the Capitol. Honestly I have no idea what I'm going to do with most of this stuff and the room is getting a little claustrophobic.

Aron's cry pulls me from sleep. There is a figure hovered over his bassinet and my eyes flash open instantly knowing who's in my room. President Snow.

"What a lovely child."

"Thank you," I say calmly. Right now he has to know it's not a good idea to be between me and my child. Or is this the point? My three other children are at home and the Capitol stands between me and them.

"Had I known you were coming I would've requested someone to wake me prior to your arrival. Have I kept you waiting long?"

His eyes are cold and unforgiving. I'm used to them now, but it doesn't mean I'm not very frightened at this moment. He's assessing me, but for what purpose? I have done nothing out of the ordinary to attract attention.

"We have a problem, Mrs. Welkin."

I study him for a moment. Just about everything he says is with a purpose, at least where dealing with victors was concerned. This is the start of one of his mind games. I'm on the defensive waiting for him to continue.

There is any number of problems that he might be referring to. I'm a rebel and break the rules on a daily basis. So what is it that he thinks he knows?

We stare at each other and this is him telling me it's my turn to speak. "I'd like to know the problem, sir."

"A small group has attempted to start something. Some think them heroes, but I believe you and I know differently. What was it you said? That the definition of a hero is someone who gets others killed?"

"Something along those lines," I say deadpanned. Now I know what he's getting at, there was a riot in District Five.

Snow steps away from my baby and I take a breath of relief. Taking the chair opposite me he stares assessing me. "Well, there is a certain hero in your district that got away leaving others to suffer in his place including your uncle."

The words spill from my mouth before I have time to think. "What about Jay?"

"No one has told you?" Snow asks.

"What is it that I'm supposed to know," I say through gritted teeth. He enjoys toying with everyone and he savors having information I want.

"During the Victory Tour in your district, someone started a riot. The Peacekeepers had no choice but to open fire. Among the dead was your uncle, which is where we have the problem."

My world topples and I clutch the sides of my bed to steady myself. It can't be true, it just can't. But Snow and I have an agreement to not lie to the other. For all his snake-like qualities he never breaks his word. But for once I wish he was.

"He was just getting help for me," I whisper. As the thought of Jay gone forever takes control I retreat into my head and don't come out.

I'm not sure how long this episode lasted. When I start remembering who and where I am, Snow is no longer in the room. The only other person in this room is my baby.

Jay unknowingly gave his life so that Aron and I would live. A voice in the back of my head tells me that he would've done it no matter the danger. My world centers on carrying for Aron and nothing else exists.

When Messalina finally makes another appearance I stare at her accusingly and she knows why.

"I didn't know how to tell you," she fumbles out.

"So you let _him_ tell me?" I hiss. "Do you have any idea how much pleasure he took in doing that?"

Messalina is beside herself, "I am so sorry."

For the first time since I arrived I cry. "I want to go home."

"They'll let you soon," she assures me. "Marcus has been going over every second of footage and interviewing everyone himself on what happened. Falon, his death was probably an accident."

"An accident is when someone doesn't plan on an event happening. When you fire a gun into a crowd, your intentions are clear," I say bitterly.

"Then it may be he wasn't an intentional target," Messalina amends. "I know the reason he was there was to get help for you, but being seen in that mob... there's been a lot of talk you have something to do with it. Marcus is back and presenting today. He'll lay the rumors to rest that you and Jay had nothing to do with the riot."

Now I know what the 'additional tests' are about. We're hostages. If the tapes reveal anything that even hints of my family being involved then Aron and I are dead. But a more sickening thought hits me. What if they just killed me and kept my baby here to be raised at the Capitol? It's a nightmare I don't want to dwell on.

It makes sense why Messalina had the media run the story about my baby and I. If it was the intention of the government to kill me, they would've had a convincing excuse to give to the Capitol citizens, I died in childbirth. But back home they would've informed them that I died as punishment for the riot. That exclusive may have very well saved our lives.


	21. Chapter 21

Finally I'm free to take my month old son home. The train can't seem to go fast enough as it gets further away from the Capitol and closer to home. Night falls as we pass through the fence. As we slow down, I look out the window and realize not one person is outside except for white uniformed Peacekeepers.

An attendant helps me get Aron into a baby sling. I have several of these things now some rather gaudy, but all very effective. As I look down at him I can't help but think of the irony. As of this moment, he is the youngest person from District Five to ever come home alive after going to the Capitol. Something I'm never going to say to anyone but Gray away from the house.

When the doors open, a squad of Peacekeepers escorts me to an armored car. This is slow going since I have to use a crutch for my right leg. The doctors think it will be temporary and I hope they're right.

"Move to the middle," one orders.

"I hate the middle," I sigh scooting over. At least the seats are leather otherwise it might be difficult or at the very least awkward with a baby and a partially limp leg.

Two Peacekeepers sandwich me in between them. There are a few possible reasons for this scenario. One is that I'm about to be killed. Second is to be imprisoned for the time being. Three, that they're just here for decoration and I'll be rid of them as soon as we get home.

"So, when and where can I collect my things?" I say at in an attempt for conversation.

A woman gives me a sidelong glance, "As soon as it is inspected thoroughly."

As if they didn't do that before I left. "So a month. Aron will grow out of half the clothes by then." I roll my eyes when they maintain their stern expressions, "I'm joking."

One cracks a smile. He's Capitol for sure, but the rest I'm thinking are District Two. Oh the secrets I've uncovered over the years. If Snow found out just how much I know about the workings of the Capitol my life would be forfeit.

Even in the darkness I can see the turn to drive up to get home. But the car doesn't turn. "Victor's Village is that way," I point out.

But they ignore me. All of the sudden the first two guesses are looking more and more likely. To my surprise they stop at the mayor's house.

"Out," orders the same one that ordered me in.

"What no 'please'?" I grumble.

The guard that's enjoying ordering me around walks to the door and pounds hard. It's enough to wake the dead that's for sure.

"Falon," says Blane Peaks shocked when he opens his door. "Come in come in."

He invites the Peacekeepers in as well, but they decline stating they must return to their duties.

"Ms. Dawnson," he nods and turns away.

"A suggestion sir," I say. He pauses and turns back to me. "Work on your accent. I don't think many would be impressed that you come from District Two."

He flinches slightly. It wasn't a threat really, more like a desire to enlighten him that I know what goes on in Panem. Without a word he turns and gets back in the car.

Blane chuckles as he closes the door, "You enjoyed that."

"Only a lot," I reply.

Pepper comes into the room, "Blane what's going on?"

"Peacekeepers just dropping off an old friend," he says.

Her hands slap over her mouth when she sees me. "Thank goodness. We thought the worse." Pepper stares at my cane. "They hurt you?"

"Nah, he did," I say pointing to my baby. "Pinched a nerve or something on the way out."

Pepper comes to investigate what I'm talking about, "Oh Falon he's beautiful."

"Thank you," I say.

Blane moves behind Pepper to get a look at Aron but soon he turns back to me, "So, how are you?"

I smile. "Nothing like a few near death experiences to liven things up a bit."

Pepper works up a smile. She's still not as used to my humor as Blane is who is snickering. "May I hold him?"

Aron makes no fuse as he sleeps away in Pepper's arms and I sit down.

"Can you take me home?" I ask.

Blane shakes his head, "It's after curfew. Anyone outdoors will be shot immediately. I'm sorry but you'll have to spend the night here. I'll drive you home first thing in the morning.

Pepper looks up, "Your children are safe at home. I spoke with Elian today."

There are no words to describe how relieved I am at his words. Sure Marcus was here and would ensure nothing happened to my family, but some things are above his status at the Capitol.

"May I at least call them?" I ask.

"Phones are still down I'm afraid," says Blane. "Power is off. And no one knew anything about you. Only that the Capitol took you. You have no idea how relieved we are to see you."

I nod knowing there's nothing I can do to convince anyone otherwise. The thundering of feet alerts us that Blane and Pepper's twin daughters, Cherry and Lilac, and son, Ron, are awake. After several minutes of questions, telling stories, and intentional stalling they are ushered back upstairs to bed.

Sighing I look up at them, "If it's all the same, I'd like you to go first."

Blane sighs resting his hands on his knees, "Five leaders, four hanged and the fifth still at large. About nine-hundred Peacekeepers showed up the next day and ended it right there. No one has been allowed to leave their homes except the bare minimum of workers and they are all escorted by the Peacekeepers. As far as I know they've kept a few of the new additions at your home round the clock."

"How many dead?"

Pepper looks down at the floor, "Forty-two with more possible from their wounds." She swallows hard and I know what she's about to ask. "Falon, do you know?"

"That Jay was among them? President Snow told me himself. My… friend didn't know how to tell me and the others didn't know."

Pepper's eyes tear up while Blane stares at me stunned out of concern. Between the two of them, Blane knows me best since he was part of my little gang of friends growing up. After Boron died in the games, Blane took it about as hard as I did. I know now it was partially because Boron took tresare out for his family several times and Blane felt responsible for his going in. As the sole provider for his younger siblings, Boron wouldn't let him volunteer to take his place in the arena.

"We're more sorry than we can say."

For the first time in weeks I believe someone.

When morning arrives, Pepper knocks on the door. My red eyes are a dead giveaway that I've been crying most of the night. Before I have the chance to compose myself, she wraps her arms around me. "Blane is warming up the car. It will be out front soon," she says.

Outside the scene is different. Peacekeepers march in line with guns while escorting workers to the plant. There's not a single person anywhere else in sight except those wearing the white uniform.

"I'm gone for a month and they change everything," I say.

The car feels like it's going slower than a snail, but we still make good time. Except for the five Peacekeepers standing outside, everything is how I left it. "Give me a head start?"

Pepper nods and takes Aron.

"Just come right in like you own the place," Gray snarls as the door creeks open.

"I do own it," I reply seriously. My eyes search him over. It doesn't look like he shaved once, his eyes haunted but are quickly transforming as they drink in every inch of me checking and rechecking to see if I'm real. To let him know it's me I add, "Nice to see you to. Although I don't think I'm crazy about the beard."

"It's really you," he says taking me in his arms. Not a second passes before his lips are on mine. When he pulls back I see the tears on his face and I'm crying as well. "Kids, get in here quick!"

Pepper takes this moment to walk in with Aron. "Good morning, Gray. You have the most handsome little boy."

There's a different expression in Gray's face as he takes his son into his arms for the first time. He's the only one that we know, without question, is his child by blood. Gray has always been a good father but I wonder if he will treat Aron any different from his siblings.

"And by the way, we're naming the kid Gray Aron," I say.

Gray is lost in happiness, "If you say so."

"Mom!" screams Rotor leading the charge.

I sink to my knees hugging and kissing my three babies that I left behind. Only one thing could make this moment perfect. But that is one wish I will never get. Jay's gone.

That night and a few nights after, our bed is a little crowded as all but Aron are all curled up with Gray and me. Even with all their kicking and moving around I'm just so grateful to still have them. Had things played out differently they might've had to bury me or worse I would have to bury them.


	22. Chapter 22

Return back to your lives. That was the order given last night when the power came back on. Pretend that the Capitol wasn't starving the district or letting those shot by the Peacekeepers slowly die out.

With Aron falling asleep I leave Clea and him with Gray and Rose so I can walk my boys to school. I don't care if I still have that blasted limp. Certain people will be worried about me and the more that see me, the faster the rumors will spread. That and I am so sick of being cooped up in small spaces.

The journey into town is a welcomed one despite the snow. I want to see my district. White uniforms are everywhere. Up on the roofs there are gun nests, but the operator is standing surveying the crowd below. There will be no more trouble, of that I'm sure of. As we get to the square there are new contraptions, but all are unoccupied. The new snow covers any evidence of what might've taken place here.

Boron moves closer to me and Rotor grips my hand tight as a row of Peacekeepers passes us. More than one gives us a side glance, but I continue forward undaunted. I've had enough of all of this and I've not been home a week.

In the school yard, the children stagger to school. All but a few have missed too many meals. Food will return to the district, but it will take some time before these kids are healthy again. Well, as healthy as they are going to get.

Inside the school I walk both to their classrooms. With a hug and a promise to see them after school they leave me. It feels somewhat like the first day of school for Boron when I had to let him go.

"Falon?"

I turn to see Benton Scaler staring at me and I give him a half smile, "Hey."

His eyes quickly scan over me looking for injuries. Not that he'll find any, I'm pretty wrapped up from the cold. "How are you?"

"Hanging in there," I say. "Capitol fixed me up in more than one way." He raises an eyebrow which tells me to explain. "I had my baby, a son we named Gray Aron. I, uh, almost died in the process. Found out that it is extremely risky to have any more children, so I won't be thanks to a surgery I didn't even know about until it was done."

Benton sighs relieved, "That's better than some of the other stories circulating in the district. I'm glad you're back safe."

"I'd stay longer, but I need to get back to Aron," I say. "I'll bring the books as soon as I finish some notes."

"No hurry," he says. "Good day to you."

"Good day."

The next few days I find out who my real friends are. My house phone rings constantly from my fellow victors who have been trying to get in touch with me for ages. I can't tell them about the riot, but assure them that I'm alive and well. The district is another story. Some people were worried sick about me during my disappearance, but I've returned relatively unharmed and that doesn't sit well with some people. I'm more Capitol than I am district to many of them.

As for those killed in the riot their families have nothing to bury. All were burned in a pile and anything remaining was discarded, including Jay. Marcus didn't get here in time to interfere. Instead there's only an empty grave with a marker for two.

_Chance "Jay" Lane._

_Beloved Husband and loving 2__nd__ Father _

_To Falon Dawnson Welkin_

_Jenny Jensen Lane_

_Beloved Wife_

Chance Lane, I almost forgot that was the name he was given when an old couple happened to find him in the street and took him in. When they died, Jay was sent to the orphanage at the age of ten where he stayed until his schooling was finished. And then the Dark Days began and he and my father became closer than brothers. Even during the rebellion, they each found love with a pair of cousins, Jenny and Sariah Jensen. Jenny died shortly before the end during a bombing run. Jay buried her somewhere in the woods.

Jay said that I looked like my mother, but my mother looked like her cousin. I figured his devotion to me was because I reminded him of Jenny. He said that he couldn't love me more even if I was his own child and I don't think I could love him more even if he was my father. On his grave marker I carved a rising sun just as I had done on Boron's grave. It should be a mockingjay, but that symbol is no longer safe. It is now the mark of the rebellion.


	23. Chapter 23

It only takes one snitch with information to cause problems. This particular snitch learned the identity of the fifth leader of the riot and turned him in. But they never caught him, somehow this person disappeared. But the Capitol always has ways of rooting out people. And when they fail, they take it out on your family.

I learned the name by talking with Tomas North. As a rebellion leader from the Dark Days, Quad Brace thought Tomas would be able to help him. Tomas did help him, but quickly to get him out of his home. On top of protecting his own family, my children were there and it would only add to Snow's paranoia that I had something to do with the riot.

During the months leading up to the Reaping I worried so much for that boy's younger sister. It was no surprise to me when they called out seventeen year old Irma Brace. The Thirty-ninth Hunger Games was the first time I ever told a pair of tributes to stay at the Cornucopia without asking if they wanted to try.

Alara came with me this year knowing that I would be bombarded with media and friends on how they were 'so worried' about me even though the danger is passed. The older victors, the ones that call me Vixen, are particularly relieved to see me. Word gets around pretty quick that Jay is dead. I only told them that he died, Volts and Alara spread the word that it was from a Peacekeeper's bullet. Volts found that out through that delightful little communication system. No matter how many times he watched the tapes, he couldn't determine if Jay really wasn't an intentional target.

"Vix… you up for this?" Amaranth asks as the games are about to begin.

I shake my head, "Never am. I'm going to sit with Alara for the bloodbath."

Alara stares at the screens as the countdown begins. "Are you sure they wouldn't have a chance at winning?"

"None," I breathe. "After what was pulled this year, these two will be made examples of to the district."

I'm a decade older than Alara and she has always followed my lead. She trusts me and I hope never to betray that trust. I place my hands on her shoulders to comfort her. If Irma and Red listen, this will be over quickly.

"Falon, she's going for it," whispers Alara.

"Stupid girl," I say through clenched teeth. Quickly I search the screen for Red. He is almost to the mouth of the Cornucopia and actually gets his hands on a sword. What's more, he knows how to use it. But he's not trying to get out, only holding his position. A pair of careers falls before the remaining ones gang up on him and take him out.

By the end of day one, my tribute is supplied and on the run. All the while I'm hoping for her to find a swift end. But she is too clever. Then, on day six comes the mutt and I'm terrified for her.

"End it already," Alara screeches at the Gamemakers after the first ten minutes. But they ignored her and continued on. Irma's screams echo in my head, bringing back long buried memories as the mutt tears her apart one piece at a time. On the outside I sit calmly as I watch, on the inside I'm screaming.

For the second year in a row I get to attend my tributes funerals. I told Messalina that I couldn't be here and she arranged for Alara and me to return home the next day. Again I speak at the funeral, but not as long as I did last year.

"You coming Lynn?" Gray asks.

"I have to take care of something that may take awhile. You go home without me."

There has been lots of crying and shaking over the last two days that he doesn't question where I'm going. Perhaps to my old tree house. When he's far enough away, I go hunting.

My eyes catch sight of my prey, a small weasel of a man that I detest more than anyone right now. He senses me but it's too late. I slam him against a nearby house and lay my arm across his throat.

"How much was that girl's life worth to you?" I shout. "One? Two meals?"

His eyes widen in fear. Unlike Attica, the girl I terrified in the arena before letting her go, I do not flinch that his fear is directed at me.

"I-I don't know what you're talking about," he cries out.

"No? You were the one that informed on Quad Brace. What do you think would happen?"

He should feel lucky that I didn't bring a knife with me. I'm more than tempted to use one since the girl's screams and every single tribute before her have never left my head.

"Please I have a family," he begs.

"Liar," I growl pushing my arm in. I know for a fact he has no family and I know a liar just by looking at them. It's what kept me alive in this new game.

"That girl's blood is on your hands," I snarl. "Her death was one of the favorites this year so they'll be showing it over and over again. You watch it every time. Got me?"

Realization that I'll let him live registers on his face and he nods quickly.

"Get out."

The people that gathered to see what was going on quickly move out of my way as I go back to the graveyard. My hunt took a few hours and now everyone at the funeral is gone. My feet wander around and I realize I walked to Rotor North's grave.

"_Yea? Don't do that again." _ Those were his last words in this life. I broke my promise.

I BROKE MY PROMISE!


	24. PT 3: Double Jeopardy

I've no memory of what happened after visiting the graveyard that day, but my son does. One day I hope he can forgive me. Boron found me in the very crater that my father protected me from the trackers huddled in a ball and muttering. I thank Lillian North for not letting him see too much.

At the capitol there is no Gray, Jay, or anyone around to chase the nightmares away. I could only go so far before the desperation to run kicked in. But you couldn't run far, none of the victors can. We're glorified slaves. That's all we are in the end.

And so we find other methods of escape. Porter and Veronica are morphling addicts. Amaranth, Jade, and a few others drink. My method of escape came in the form of a substance I had become acquainted before I ever entered the games. When the effects wear off my mind tells me that none of what happened was real and that it was just the drug talking.

I was in such a hurry to get out of the capitol that I forgot that I still had a syringe of it in my coat. The same coat I wore to the funeral. What I figured happened was I went straight to the crater where my father died and injected myself with the very thing that killed him and should've killed me. Tracker venom.

Unlike the other times I've taken it, I didn't recover. I belonged to that world of nightmares. For months all I did was exist. Every part of my life became a strict routine, just like when I came out of the arena. Rose stopped working at the plant to raise my children. I tried, I really did, but somehow I couldn't break through the barrier to get back to the real world.

Most of my hours were spent in the garden or in my shop. But more and more I went on the other side of the fence. Gray came with me a few times, but it wasn't until spring that I began to wake up.

It was early in the morning when we crossed the fence. Gray led me through the trees telling me that I'll have to close my eyes when we get close. When he tells me to open my eyes, I can't speak. There was a small waterfall that fed a creek. Cherry blossoms surrounded it on all sides. As we wade into the water I let the scene pull me under. It's like waking up in a dream.

"You know when I first started falling in love with you?" he asks. "I was walking you to school and we took the long way there. Your face just lighted up with this smile and I never wanted to see it leave your face."

I feel his lips pressed against mine tenderly. I know this touch. This is Gray, my husband who loves me for staying me. For the first time in months I feel something other than the emptiness and I let the sensation spread through me. I don't want him to stop and he doesn't.

"Come back to me, Lynn."

"And Drite Braddock," Anna calls out.

Braddock, I know that name. But to my knowledge my neighbor from childhood never had any children and died from the sickness that went around couple years before I won. Ginger's death was a shock to the neighborhood who didn't even know she was sick.

Off stage my children come to say good-bye away from the cameras. Anna comes down the steps and sees us. She's made herself out to be a favorite aunt or something always brining presents for them every year. It's usually something small, like a toy or treats so I don't object too strongly. Besides, what could I do?

"You are all getting so big," Anna pipes. "I have to say Falon I think all of them take after your side."

It's true. All of my children have my dark red hair, but their eye color varies. Boron and Aron have gray eyes, Rotor's are green like mine, and Clea's are a bright blue almost like Rose's eyes. At least it has protected them from the suspicion that comes and goes in the district.

"Well, Falon here we go again," she says. "I'll see you on the train."

"Yep." I turn to my children. "Now be good for your father and grandparents."

"We know mom," Boron tells me. Eleven is proving to be a very interesting age.

Eight year old Rotor, six year old Clea, and eighteen month old Aron wrap themselves around me. "Don't go mommy."

Clea's face gets all pouty. It's worked before, but it can't now. "Sweetie you know I have to," I tell her. "I'll be back soon."

"You're going to be back right," Boron stares at me accusingly. I abandoned my children for months and I do not blame them in the slightest for doubting if I'll still be their mother when I return.

"Promise," I say firmly. "And I've never broken a promise before."

A few more hugs and kisses and I leave them.

"I need to talk to her."

There's a little disturbance outside and I see some Peacekeepers holding back a woman. She looks so like Ginger that they have to be related. Walking up to one of the Peacekeepers I ask them to let her go. Surprisingly they listen.

The woman takes my hands in hers. "Do you remember your neighbor, Ginger?"

"Yes. You a relation?"

The woman nods her head, desperation lighting her face, "Drite is her son. He's all I have left of her. Please try and bring him back."

I'm far from angry that no one thinks that I don't try hard enough to bring a tribute home alive. But I have to say something. "I try with all of them. Except for last year when I knew it wasn't a good idea."

"Please," she's begging with tears in her eyes. "He's my little mockingjay."

Her words feel like a giant slap across my face waking me up from any stupor I felt like I was under. Mockingjay… Jay.

"Falon we have to go," Anna shouts over.

I look at the woman, "No promises."

Drite is less than likeable on the train. Alara and I get an earful from him about how we don't do enough for the tributes. His district partner, fourteen year old Cori, watches nervously between us wondering if we might explode into an argument. But I only laugh.

"You are definitely Ginger's son," I say.

His eyes changed. "You knew my mother?"

"Yep. She lived three doors down from me growing up. She'd help me with my homework a few times before she started working at the plant."

I spend the next part of the train ride telling him everything I knew about his mother. Some things he did know and other things he didn't. Every word he drinks in as if he's starving to learn more. He does become a lot more civil to me afterwards.

When he ran into the Cornucopia I thought he was trying to end it quickly like Cori. But that wasn't his plan. Instead he grabbed necessary supplies and bolted from the area. Five days in and I thought he would die, but didn't. Drite was stubborn, more stubborn than I ever was and refused to go down.

His sponsors and I have little to do with his survival. There was something about him that I underestimated. Despite everything that happened to him, there was no overcoming his desire to live. Amaranth, Seeder, and Mags shake me awake from the shock. For the first time in seven years, District Five had a victor.

When Drite immerges from the medical center his eyes have a haunted look. But when he catches sight of me his feet slowly pick up speed.

"Definitely Ginger's son," I say before hugging him.


	25. Chapter 25

Helping Drite is hard. His foster mother, Lark, is patient, but unsure how to handle things. Luckily my family and Alara's have plenty of experience and are more than willing to show her the ropes. We victor brats got to stick together.

But he isn't my main concern. This marks the last year that I don't have to worry if my child will go into the arena for a long time. Next year Boron will be eligible and every year until game fifty-six I will worry like every other mother as the Reaping begins. But unlike most, if my child goes into the arena it won't be chance. It won't take much, one wrong word, a ruffled feather and my child is in the next arena.

Like tracker venom (which I've haven't touched since the Thirty-ninth games), one nightmare ends as another begins. With younger, more attractive, victors I get requested less frequently. But I know what it feels like and it hurts to see the younger ones leave our ranks for the evening. We all know what's going on, but it's one of those things we don't talk about.

Those of us who have children of age are constantly clinging to each other for support. For some it's not only themselves they have to watch but their former lovers. Some victors were exclusive on certain years and unless they had a lover at home, it's not hard to figure out who the fathers are. If they get on Snow's bad side it won't matter how well their mother's behave.

The men on the other hand have children they don't even know about. I'm willing to bet a child I saw two days ago being spoiled rotten is Amaranth's son. I guess he would be considered a jabberbird since he has a district father and Capitol mother. But there are some of the men that have a wife in the districts and those children are fair game for the arena.

As the Gamemakers enjoy their supposed genius for the traps they set up I wonder if they know that some of their fellow citizens might have an 'accident' in these arenas from their clever devices? A threat to Snow's power and ten others on tour with him found the tracker jacker nests I evaded in my arena a few years back or so the rumor goes. I wouldn't be surprised if it was.

At the reaping I am as still as a statue as Anna draws from the boy's bowl. Alara holds my hand out of comfort while Pepper and I hold hands for support. We both have children in the Reaping. Each year we breathe a sigh of relief backstage. Our children are safe this time.

Boron is amazing. Rotor got scared his first reaping, but Boron told him firmly that as long as he was eligible, he would take Rotor's place in the arena. It was something I wasn't supposed to overhear.

When Boron realized he'd been caught he just stares at me. "Sorry mom, but I can't let him."

Tears are forming in my eyes and I just hug him. "Understood." Some time passes before I add, "You're so like your father."

"Am I?"

The question is more of an accusation rather than a hope of confirmation. In a heartbeat I know where this is going.

"Mom, am I mockingjay?"

Straight forward and to the point. That's my Boron. I will never lie to him or any of them. So I tell him the truth. "I don't know."

He's upset looking anywhere but at me. "So I could be this Marcus Panthra's son?"

"Oh no," I say quickly. "Marcus isn't any of your fathers. That one I know for a fact. He hasn't touched me."

Boron stares at me hungrily, "What? I see the way he looks at you."

"What do you think you know Boron?" I ask him.

Just about everything. I haven't told him a single thing about what it is to be a victor and he has figured it all out on his own. What he doesn't know is stuff about the rebellion. On that count he's safe.

"All of that is true," I tell him. "Except Marcus isn't who you think he is. I can't tell you about it but I will one day."

To my surprise, Boron smiles the way he does when he's figured something out. "He's Rook."

And then I figure out how he knows. The little brat read some of the books! "How did you get a hold of that book?"

"There's a book about it?" he asks happily.

I burry my face in my hands knowing I'm digging a deeper hole for myself. Father was right I would have a kid like me. "Start talking little boy."

Boron clamps his mouth shut realizing he might be in trouble. A glare from me tells him he better do as I say. "You, uh, sort of left some notes laying around the room."

"I never leave anything out in the open. Try again."

Oh yes I know how to imitate Rose well as he fumbles out, "I figured out your hiding spot for your notes and I sort of read them while you were in town."

"Don't ever look at my notes or anything in that spot again without permission. The only way for you to be safe is if you don't know things. Promise."

"Promise."


	26. Chapter 26

Marcus and I had an interesting conversation that year. While rumors are rudimentary at best, they have the potential to grow. And the one gaining strength has to do with a traitor amongst the Capitol elite. The deterrent for suspicion against Marcus has its benefits at home, but I know I'll be scared stiff by the end of all of it. In the back of my mind I know this is a journey I need to make.

Once again Marcus has paid a visit to the District. He stays in the Victor's house next door. Gray and I stage a conversation about how upset both of us are that he has placed himself in such proximity. Honestly, if Marcus had been my so called 'lover', this most certainly would've unsettled me.

In town, Marcus inspected the Peacekeepers and the performance of the Head Peacekeeper. I knew he was going to arrange an incident that I would interfere with but I never thought he would carry out a punishment.

"Stop it!" I cry.

Marcus turns an icy glare at me. This is one look I've never seen on his face before and suddenly I'm frightened. He regards me for a moment before his hand flies through the air and across my face. There's a collective gasp from the crowd as I fall to the ground. I forget that all of this is part of the script as I try to make sense of what just happened.

The next thing I remember is Marcus' towering figure over me. He sighs, "No tears again Falon?"

I don't look at him and don't dare look at the crowd knowing none of them would come to my aid. I don't look because I really don't want to be proven right. The only safe place left is the ground. There I watch my blood mix with the dirt.

"Get her up," Marcus orders.

A pair of Peacekeepers lifts me from the ground by my arms. I flinch slightly as Marcus tenderly takes my face in his hands. Gently he dabs the blood from my face with a damp cloth. With a gesture the Peacekeepers let me go to stand on my own.

"You need to pack for a trip, my dear. I'm going on a tour of the arenas and you're coming with me."

I'm still in a daze and the horror I feel in that moment is real.

"T-the reaping is next month," I fumble.

"Then you're going to miss it won't you? Now go."

I stumble slightly as the crowd parts giving me a clear path.

"And Falon, do behave yourself. I would hate to learn one of your sons became a tribute and you didn't get the opportunity to say goodbye."

Fear grabs at my chest. I have to tell myself over and over again that this whole scene wasn't real. But that last bit wasn't part of what we discussed. For a moment I thought Marcus was President Galba.

As I walk to the road that goes to the Victor's Village I see someone unexpected. Kyle and I have rarely spoken since our falling out nearly a decade ago. He just couldn't understand my behavior in the Capitol. But now here he is looking at me with sympathy and apology.

Angry tears fill my eyes. Secretly I've hoped for the two of us to make up and be friends again. But I've already worked out that scenario. Just like before, he'll stick around for the first little bit but then back away. Besides, it's too dangerous for him to be my friend now. So I just continue walking up the path with nothing more than a brief glance.

"Falon…"

I have to drive him away. With bitterness that has increased over the years I turned back to him. "Excuse me Kyle, but I have another party to attend."

I see the look of shame on his face briefly before I go home. Within a few hours I'm on Marcus' private hovercraft heading to the arenas.

One morning I'm sitting next to the very spot where Boron died. I get privacy only because everyone else is watching the Reaping of this year's tributes for the Hunger Games. Only when District 5 comes up do I pay attention to the big screens above me.

The commentators make note of my absence as Anna gets ready to draw the names. My heartbeat increases as the very real threat of my child going into the arena takes me. Just because Marcus was faking it, doesn't mean Snow would.

"Poppy Netters… and Orrick Storms."

A tear falls down my face. Relief that Boron and Rotor won't go in this year takes over. Only one Welkin will be in an arena this time. After this there's just one more arena to tour. Mine.

_"Remember what Jay said would keep us warmer?"_

_A young boy nods his head to the red-haired girl. "By making every male whoever had a crush on you envious."_

_"How does that work?" a girl asks._

_The red-haired girl slides over and wraps herself around the boy. The older boy's eyes dance in amusement before he lets out a loud laugh. The younger boy is obviously embarrassed, but doesn't do anything. _

_"Oh."_

I remember this night. It was the second and last one the four of us spent together. Rotor had been poisoned by some kind of mutt that robbed his body of warmth. One of the things Jay taught me to keep our heads in here was laughter. That was why I said what I said to Rotor before cuddling. If someone didn't at least crack a smile then I was losing my touch.

Instead of following my path from the tracker nests, I ask to follow my alliance's path. The guides said the group could split up and they would continue the tour in opposite directions. But this is my arena and no one wants to go anywhere but where their precious victor is going.

This one boy keeps pestering me with his questions. Sometimes I'm agitated but most of the time I'm grateful since he pulls me out of some of the worse flashbacks. The questions are innocent really and I think out my answers to make sure the malice stays out of them.

At the reenactment of the next night's battle people are tripping over themselves to participate. There are plenty of roles. First, there's me and then Rotor, Clea, and Colvin from my side. On the other are the three members of the Pack: Nerissa, Quintus, and Attica. Really it is sickening to watch.

My shadow sits by me throughout the presentation. Afterwards he turns to me, "So why didn't you kill her? That District 2 girl."

"Because I wanted to, Plu." The words just slip out, but I make no attempt to cover it up.

To my astonishment Plu looks up at me and says, "That doesn't sound like you."

"But it is the truth," I say.

He looks back out on the field. "I'm glad you didn't."

There's no explanation for this statement as we move on. Some get on the ride that takes them to the next location, but I opt to walk and so does young Plutarch Heavensbee. Really, the kid is growing on me.

For the finale instead of a bombing there are fireworks and a birthday party. Twenty years ago today I became a victor. And as I said before, I never left my arena. Only found a way to live in it.


	27. Chapter 27

My victor friends tease me as I walk into the room pale faced and heart rushing. A few of them can tell something is wrong, but others continue their irreverent banter. I need to calm down and order a drink from the avox.

"Whoa, Vixen, I thought you didn't drink." I turn to see Woof.

"Today, I do," I tell him flatly as I sit down.

Amaranth plops on the couch and wraps his arm around me ready for a joke. Out of all the victors, the Capitol heartthrob can still be relied upon to cheer me up. I think he got the worst of it over the years, but he still puts on a friendly face.

"So what exciting adventure did you undergo this year? A secluded beach? A cruise to visit the ruins of the old world perhaps?"

I ignore his playfulness and turn looking for Mags. She's probably my best friend after Seeder. Helping me get through each year being a mentor and bearing the worst of the spotlight are among the things I will never be able to stop thanking her for.

"Anyone seen Mags?" I ask.

"In the booth," Woof answers. "Got a kid still alive, but not for much longer."

"Any of my kids still alive?" I ask knowing the answer already.

"No," Blithe, from District 7, replies. "Girl died in the bloodbath and the careers caught up with the boy two days ago. It wasn't quick."

"It's how it's played," says Casca.

Leave it to another career to justify a brutal killing. District 2 has yet to produce a victor I can tolerate. Casca instructs his tributes how to make a death slow and showy for the cameras. The audience just loves that sort of thing. Jade nearly took his eyes out when one of his tributes killed her son in the bloodbath. Despite my dislike for Casca, I know what he told his tribute to do was a mercy. There was no chance for that boy to win and he was taken out quickly.

Seeder joins Amaranth and me on the couch. Whenever I had to leave the booth during the games with a kid still alive, I've always left my kids in her care. That was until Alara and Drite started attending the games every year.

"Hey Seeder, your kid looks pretty promising," says Porter, from District 6. Really, he should cut back on the morphling. "Get a few more sponsors?"

Seeder smiles. "Yep. Just wanted to see how Vixen was doing before going back into the booth. So where did you go? I was lead to believe it would be your most memorable birthday ever."

I give an exaggerated exhale to that statement.

"That good huh?" Amaranth responds.

Holly, from District 9 leans back, "We're going to find out anyway, Vixen. Was it that river retreat?"

The avox chooses this moment to come in with my drink. With a nod, he is gone. Holly is right, they will find out soon enough. Best to get it over with.

"Someone thought it would be _fun_ to spend my twentieth victory anniversary on a tour of four arenas including mine."

Anyone who hears me is frozen in shock. It's enough to shut up even Casca. No victor has ever gone back in their arena and I don't know a single one who wants to relive any part of their games.

The silence from the other victors lingers, but Amaranth soon recovers. "Darling, this isn't nearly strong enough. I'll be right back."

Before I can object (or even take a sip), he's taking my drink away and off to get another one. When he returns it's not alcohol, but a chocolate milkshake. The sight of it makes me lose all my senses and I burst out laughing.

Amaranth smiles, pleased with himself. "Chocolate solves everything, I'm told."

"Believe it," I laugh.

Gratefully I accept the treat. It's a reminder of why I shouldn't turn to drugs or alcohol to escape as some of the others have on a regular basis. Not anymore. I owe it to the original Boron, Rotor, Clea, and Colvin to make sure the Hunger Games come to an end, even if it banished me to live in another arena the rest of my life. The thing that keeps me going is that I know I'm not alone.

The man himself responsible for throwing my birthday party appears on the screen. His mouth must've had another surgery and I try not to smile. The Capitol elite finally noticed the pattern and upon the sudden death of one of them at a feast demand Snow drink from the poisoned cup himself. Antidotes, especially ones that have been tampered with, don't always work.

Messalina said that just because she had to let him live didn't mean she had to let him live in comfort. Honestly that girl is becoming more like her father. She might even be responsible for some of the mysterious deaths herself. Wouldn't surprise me if she was.

As much as I want to see this man dead, it is unwise to kill him. The game still stands. After Galba's death much of our network among the elite was killed. To kill Snow could result in the same setbacks or invite an even worse problem in his successor.

After Snow's statement regarding the Hunger Games one of my favorite additions to the rebellion walks up to me. I saw his victory coming a mile away, but no one believed me until the trap was sprung. Made quite a lot of money on those bets.

"Hi Falon," says Beetee in his slightly twitchy, but excited voice. "You got a minute?"

Amaranth immediately stands up. "I'll leave you two to speak squint."

I make a large sucking sound on my straw and he walks away laughing.

"Missed you Vix," he shouts over as he joins a group of gawking females.

"What'd you got, Volts?" I ask.

For the next hour or so we dive into his plans for the upgrades on the communication system he's been working on. We receive stares from the others who have not the slightest idea what we're talking about but glad that someone can speak Volts' language and is willing to spend time with him so they don't have to put up with his explanations.

Only the excitement of the crowd pulls our attention away. Inside the arena, a gamemaker mutt is stocking District 4. This isn't going to be a trap to lure tributes together, but to eliminate one.

"Excuse me," I say quickly.

Ignoring the questions hurled in my direction I rush straight for the booth. Inside Mags watches her tribute limping through the jungle unaware of the coming danger.

Mags starts when I place my hand on her shoulder. "Falon. How long have you been back?"

"Not long," I say looking up at the screen. From the look on her face she knows I'm not answering her question but pointing something out to her. "You should go before the cockroaches come."

Reluctantly she agrees and leaves the room. This death is going to be ugly and as soon as the media sees Mags they'll be swarming around her wanting an interview. They can't have it if she's not here.

"Get the mic closer," one of the gamemakers shouts excitedly.

"This is going to be good," says another.

The other mentors in the room, including Seeder, cast side long glances at me knowing that, once again, I've called the outcome. Seeder knows how I function, but I scare the younger victors. It's sickening that I know how a gamemaker thinks, part of my curse of being able to read people like books.

My hand brushes against a package of sleeping pills that I used just to get a few hours of sleep in my arena. Not that they did me any good. But maybe they will give this kid a more merciful death.

Pulling out one, I give the rest of the package to Seeder. "Hold onto these for me and not a word."

I have no interest in hearing the Gamemakers congratulating themselves on a grueling kill that's likely to drag out for some time and I leave the room. It'll be one of the highlights on the tour for certain for this arena. If anyone is watching that is.

The pill is already starting to work and I'm feeling dizzy. On the screen outside the mutt is settling into a crouch reading itself to leap onto Mags' tribute. Then my world goes black.


	28. Chapter 28

The next morning I'm waking up in the hospital with all sorts of devices hooked into me. Mags and Amaranth are sitting on either side of me. When I stir, they're both relieved to see me awake. My mind comes and goes lately that I forget about other consequences. These people really do care about me and I scared them. What my family must've gone through, I can only imagine.

"How do you feel?" Mags asks.

"Lousy," I answer honestly. "Must've hit my head on something."

Amaranth looks at me concerned, "Yea, a table when you fainted. Do you remember anything?"

"That I went into the booth to see Mags and that I came out."

Mags nods. "Docs have no idea what happened to you."

"Do we have a winner yet so I can go home?" I moan.

"Not yet," says Amaranth. "I don't think anyone's games were as short as yours."

"That's what scares me," I say.

Amaranth looks at the door. "Uh oh… Incoming."

The cameras are rolling into my room wanting the story of what happened. The doctors are fed up with them getting in their way. One thing about those sleeping pills is that a single tablet doesn't leave much of a trace in the bloodstream and it's probably driving them nuts figuring out why I collapsed.

"Do you think you were poisoned?" one asks.

I laugh, "Now there's an interesting theory. Best clear something up right now so we don't have a repeat. I have not now, nor have I ever been Amaranth's love interest. Quit trying to kill me. I am _not_ competition!"

The reporters laugh. A few more photos and sound bites and they're gone.

Amaranth shakes his head. "One day you'll quit using me as an excuse."

"Oh, where's the fun in that?" I say with a pouty face.

Once I'm out of the hospital, Marcus pulls me away for a private dinner. Private by his definition means a table for two, but with everyone seeing us together. We discuss the usual things, the games, interesting gossip, and some of the recent deaths. Just long enough to ensure there are no bugs in the area and no one listening in on the conversation.

"By the way, I bow to the master," Marcus says.

I give him a sidelong glance. "And what, pray tell, is it that you think I've done?"

"Good point," he laughs taking another sip of his wine. "I was referring to your little maneuver that landed you in the hospital. Boy was dead in less than five minutes."

"A comfort to his mother I'm sure," I scoff.

Marcus looks at me seriously. "If she knew it would've taken longer if the cameras weren't focused elsewhere, maybe it would. Besides, nothing lasts forever. Things go the way they are and I think they will be able to be ready to roll in fifteen years," Marcus says cheerfully.

"That's if the baker's dozen doesn't bale on us like they did last time. I really don't like who they've got in charge there. That woman is a Gamemaker."

He's avoiding my gaze, "She'll have to be to make it work. But before all of that two things will need to happen. A desire for immortality and a spark."

Immortality. That was my trumped up explanation to why I volunteered for the first Quarter Quell. Even if I was dead, I'd still be remembered since my games would go on reruns every Quell even if the other games fell into obscurity.

Age makes you wonder about things such as what legacy you'll leave behind. Snow has to know he will be forgotten just like the tributes that don't come out of the arena. Galba brought the end to the rebellion and gave the Capitol the Hunger Games. Snow has only maintained these things. There's nothing in his career to mark him as exceptional. His ego will be what lets the rebellion rise to a boiling point. He'll want it to happen so he can make a name for himself that will last through the ages.

"But it doesn't solve how to get things going," I say.

Marcus grimaces, "A victor that wins on his or her terms and not the Capitol's. If only your games had been a few decades later I'm certain yours would do the trick."

"You honestly think I'd be able to get away with anything I did in that arena?" I scoff. "Fourteen tributes died in the bloodbath because they got turned over by their neighbors and they had no desire to win not to mention the fact that the Careers in my day were wimpy. I stuck it out as long as I did for others and yet I still won."

"I know," Marcus says gently. "I think you still do."

Slowly I lower my fork, "Not for much longer. I'm slowing down, Marcus."

Marcus stares at me in disbelief, "You don't want to see the ending?"

"Don't think I'll make it that long. It's enough to know that I've done what I can. I only ask two things besides the obvious. First is that when this is all over, I want my name cleared. Two, that I'm buried in grave marker fifty in District Five's tribute graveyard. It's been left vacant for me and I want no higher honor."

Marcus smiles sadly, "Wouldn't expect you to."

Who knew that District Eleven would have a victor this year? It'll be good to see Seeder in a few months during the tour. Already the boy, Chaff, is playing it smart by not accepting a new arm to replace the one lost in the arena. It will make him less desirable to the ladies.

It's nice not having to take the train ride home alone anymore. Alara comes now to keep an eye on me and make sure I'm not injecting myself with tracker venom again. Those days are over, I promised. Drite takes everything in strides. I can't dictate how he handles things, but I hate how he's turned to the bottle for relief. But after having one of his friends go in this year, I can't blame him for wanting to forget.

There's a big difference between the victors under Galba and the ones under Snow. Us old timers understood full well that the games Snow decided to play with us weren't our faults but some twisted game he loved to play. The younger ones, like Drite, just don't see it that way. They're younger, more vulnerable and Snow starts with them as soon as they're out of the arena. Sure Galba started with me right away, but that was because I wasn't interested in playing. Unlike most of the other victors, my friends and family's lives were threatened because I wanted to die, not live.

When we return home things start to sink in on how much has changed since I returned home from the Quarter Quell. People that knew me well, like the Scalers, are getting old and dying while the younger generation knows me only from what they see on screen. I've long since given up justifying my friendly manner to the Capitol but Drite and Alara have snapped at them a couple times. With the first rebellion long behind us, not many would understand the game or why I play along. They are only trying to get from one day to the next. I will say getting slapped around by Marcus did wonders for my reputation. But I think that memory will only last so long.


	29. Chapter 29

"On the fiftieth anniversary, as a reminder that two rebels died for each Capitol citizen, every district will send twice as many tributes."

The next morning, I'm pacing the North's kitchen angry and frustrated. They're old, but not frail like Elian and Rose have gotten. And they're two of the few confidents I have left in this district.

Tomas North slams his hand on the table to get my attention. "Don't you see Falon? Your games were too short by Gamemaker design. Quells are to be memorable. Forty-eight tributes will not be easily forgotten."

I want to throw something, but this isn't my house. "Forty-eight? Not one-thousand two-hundred and twenty-four that will have gone in after this is all done?"

"It's the Capitol, Falon. You know them better than anyone. Don't play into this game."

The tears finally come as I take a seat. "Two victors or more in Three, Five, Six, Eight, Ten and Eleven. Districts that shouldn't have victors. It's four extra corpses to take our places."

"Don't play this game, Falon," he says again. "Your parents and Jay wouldn't want you to."

The tears come and I'm unable to control them. "They wouldn't want me to do a lot of things."

Lillian wraps her arms around me and comforts me like a mother would as tears fall down my face. I'm slipping again.

I'm convinced Rotor, Clea, or Aron is going into this arena, maybe even more than one of them. It's kept all of us up at night. Several times I've woken up screaming from memories of every child I've mentored into the arena and fear for my babies.

Anna is without her usual perkiness today as she reaches into the bowl with the girl's names. She knows that my youngest child just became eligible this year and that she might very well pick him or one of his siblings.

"Estella Amps and Karen Bells."

I get to keep my daughter one more year. I don't know either girl well and I don't think Drite or Alara knows them either.

"And now for the boys," says Anna. Anyone would think she had her own child in the reaping. But it is because she thinks she knows me so well and dotes on my children.

"Fermi Transser and," she reaches in one more time, "Lattice Junction."

What did she just say? Surly there was a Welkin in there somewhere. But she didn't say those names. She said someone else's names. How can that be?

The four kids are being lead off to the Justice Building as Anna walks up to me with a relieved smile on her face. "Let's go, dear. You are already the talk of the Capitol."

I stand up and exchange looks with Pepper. She too had kids in the reaping this year and we're just like any other parent grateful that we're not sending a child in. But we won't celebrate or look relieved here in front of the cameras.

Off-stage, Gray rushes up to hold me. "They're not going in Lynn."

Here I break down in his arms and shake and he holds me closer. When I can compose myself again, I go out to hug my children. Boron and now Rotor are out of the running for life. Six more years and they'll all be too old for the Hunger Games. But just because they didn't go in this year, doesn't mean they won't go in next year.

On the train the four kids switch between going into their rooms and coming to the dining cart. Drite still tries hard to add one more victor to Five and instructs the others that they want to put on some weight before the arena. He can be a demanding mentor but it sometimes gives the kids something to focus on no matter how hopeless the cause.

Estella and Lattice, the oldest, are interested in giving it a go and are grilling Drite on strategy. Karen, the youngest of them, is sitting close to me slowly nibbling on a pastry and Fermi is still in his room. Alara is trying to get some sleep in since she stays up all night.

"How do you get it to end quickly?" Karen asks.

It's not the first time I've heard this question. I've heard them all. Doesn't mean it doesn't break my heart every time I hear them. Drite's partner, Cori, asked me that question. He chewed me out for answering her, but now understands why someone would prefer to be dead.

"You stay at the Cornucopia after the gong," I tell her. "Run straight for it and someone will take you out before you know it."

She nods slowly fighting back tears. The other three in the room see her, but don't make any moves.

"Come here," I say. Without question she sits next to me and I rest her head in my lap. Just like I do with my daughter, I stroke her hair letting her cry out her fears. "Imagine you are walking through the district. The blossoms are out and it looks like it's snowing, but it's not. It's too warm for that and you know spring is here. And you wonder if anything can possibly be this peaceful…"

Everyone is together awaiting the recap. Karen stays curled up against me knowing I won't turn her away. Estella and Lattice are still throwing questions at Drite. Fermi sits silently pondering and I think he's not sure if he wants to fight back yet. Alara opted to stay in her room since there was little room left for her with two new additions.

"What about sponsors," says Lattice.

Drite nods confirming he's asking the right questions. "The more popular you are the more sponsors you'll get. Falon and I seal the deals with them and send you things in the arena when you need them."

"Popular how?" asks Estella.

"Not to be self-centered, but as far as being tributes is concerned, you're lucky," I say. "At the moment I'm the only Quell victor. I've already got more sponsors for you than I have for the last two years combined."

Drite stares at me. "You never said anything."

"You never asked," I respond plainly. "Trust me, you're going to have more than decent sponsors."

Name after name after name is called. There will be multiple bloodbaths for sure this year. Holly's kid is called and the commentators talk about how the odds are not in her family's favor. Bull.

My mind goes blank and I feel myself slipping again. Desperately I'm going through the motions to prevent myself from blacking out during the games. These kids need me this week, I can't leave them. And then another name is called, one I know. 'Donner.'

I'm watching a blonde girl detach herself from two others and take the stage. There is no question in my mind that this girl is Colvin's niece.

"Excuse me," I snarl. As I walk down the car I yank the emergency stop lever. The train comes to a complete stop by the time I reach the door and I storm out into the night. I don't go far before collapsing to my knees.

Over and over I slam my fist into the hard earth until it bleeds. I'm in control, but barely. Sitting up to my knees, I clench onto my mockingjay pin. My young friend is telling me not do lose it again. I promised, I promised I wouldn't black out with rage and now this pin is my only anchor to that promise.

A twig breaks behind me and I whip around to see Anna. She's a couple yards away from me, but makes no attempt to come closer. This isn't the first tantrum I've had over the years. One time I actually did lose control. At least that time I didn't almost kill someone. But still, Anna knows to keep her distance until she's certain I'm not going to take my anger out on her.

"Do you know I never once worried about Colvin's family or Clea's since I won?" I ask. "Do what Galba says and he swore they would never go in. Clea's brothers are married with kids, none of which have ever gone in. They're too old now. Colvin's little brother has twin daughters that are old enough for the reaping. What are the odds that one of them would be picked for the Second Quarter Quell just like their uncle?"

"The kind that are rigged," Anna answers flatly.

Her tone catches me off guard. Since when does Anna speak against the Capitol?

"Jade's son, Porter's granddaughter, Drite's friend, and now Holly's daughter and your ally's niece… I'm not an idiot Falon. I've hated this job for years, but I've stuck it out and will continue to stick it out until your kids are out of the reaping."

"Why?" I ask.

"Because if one of your kids does end up in the arena I'm not going to have some bubbly fashion-obsessed rookie to be with you that year."

Downright shock wipes out any other emotions. Anna and I have become friends in a way over the last twenty-five years, but it's not until this moment that I realize how much I don't know about this woman.

A train attendant is calling for us. I want to know what the end of this conversation would be, but we really do have to get going again. Arm throbbing with pain, I follow Anna back on the train and we're off again.

Fight back, that's all I can do now. Camry and her partner of twelve years, Novius, greet me. There will be two more stylists added this year to our team, but they're not here yet. Camry shows me my wardrobe she made for me this year. We had many talks over the phone in the past months. These looks are all calculated. While upped in modesty all the clothes reflect some part of my games.

During the games I will only wear the same uniform I wore in the arena. For once I'll be comfortable this year. After the games I promised Camry that she could do whatever so long as it wasn't permanent since she went along with this idea.

Tonight I have on the same lightning bolt over my eye that I did on the chariot ride twenty-five years ago only this time it's gold. My dress is not the silver fading into blue, like that year, but rather black as night with a fiery red fabric to drape over it. Even my broken wrist is worked into the look. Last of all is a gold crown, a new one of course since I somehow 'misplaced' my own crown. When they're done I am once again the strong and powerful goddess of Panem.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, presenting your Quell victor, Falon Dawnson!"

Loud cheers echo all over the room as the cameras roll. Never since my victory have I been this popular with the crowd. For my kids' sake, I need all the help I can get.


	30. Chapter 30

The kids are all down in training. It's more than ridiculous this year with forty-eight tributes down there. Karen and Fermi went down for a few hours, but came back after lunch. There was no way they'd learn anything of use down there. I left the social gathering as soon as I found out and went back to the apartments to keep an eye on them.

"There's no point in going down there," Fermi says annoyed. "Better off staying in here."

There's no point arguing that. "In that case you can help me short sheet Alara and Drite's beds."

"What?" Fermi asks.

I look at both of them with a spark of mischief. "Follow me."

When the others join us they walk into pandemonium. White feathers are everywhere as the three of us decided on a pillow fight. Alara stares at us for a moment before disappearing into her room. She's not there long before she brings out her pillow and smacks Drite with it.

One day passes and then another. What started out as a week of rule breaking and fun has toned down as we approach the end. The private sessions take place over two days and I find myself more and more curious about the girl from Twelve.

"I was hoping you'd come up here," I say when I see her on the roof.

Maysilee starts when she sees me but soon maintains control. "You're Falon, right?"

"That's right. And you're Maysilee Donner, Colvin's niece."

The girl stares at me making some kind of assessment. Here are the facts she has about me. I teamed up with her uncle in the first quell. He died, I lived. I'm a Capitol darling with a family. There's not a chance she knows the real me. Knows why I've done things or appear as someone I'm not.

"So my dad's friends said you teamed up with his brother," she says accusingly. "Said that you made him lose focus on coming home. That was part of your strategy."

So, Galba's tactic worked in District 12 also. Time does a lot of things. Making my district despise me wasn't enough. My allies' district had to hate me too.

"But Dad doesn't think so." And then she holds out a pin. The very pin I gave to her family so many years ago. "He gave this to me as my token."

I pull out mine and show her. "Made from the gold of my victor's crown. There are two other pins in our districts. Did your father ever tell you what it meant?"

"Because we stayed together," she says.

I nod. "It's good advice to keep alive. Good luck to you."

It's the morning of the games. Drite and I are walking into the control room with the other mentors. All the cameras are up and I can see my four kids nervously awaiting the launch. Camry had Estella this year and is keeping her focused on getting something to eat and drink. Helios has Karen and is letting her curl up against him. I'm rather fond of this stylist but not his clothes. Still, I won't forget this kindness for my little tribute.

Lattice stays focused while Novius sits and watches. Fermi just paces the room and I know he wants to get it over with. His stylist, Fang, is suggesting food and drink but he just glares at him.

Neither of us likes silence and we have a tendency to argue, like we're about to now.

"Karen and Fermi are out at the bloodbath," I say. " Lattice and Estella will probably survive the first day."

"So long as they stay away from the bloodbath and the careers," agrees Drite. "And their mentor stays focused on who she's supposed to save."

I stare at Drite and he recoils. "Let's get one thing straight. My loyalty has always been to my district first. So long as they are alive and want to stay alive they will be the ones I help. Got it?"

"They're in the tubes," says Alara in an attempt to break up our argument.

The camera follows Estella's view up the tubes into a breathtaking arena. What it must be like to actually be in there. This couldn't be any different from my arena. The sky is an unnatural blue with fluffy clouds. Overhead multi-colored songbirds flutter around. Those will be deadly for sure. Something about the mountain feels ominous. That will be another problem.

The gong sounds but only a few tributes move.

"What are you doing? Move!" shouts Scorpus, District 2.

As if they could hear him, one tribute after another starts moving for the supplies. One of Amaranth's tributes, that snarky boy, is in and out before most tributes even step off their plates.

Karen runs straight for the Cornucopia and Fermi is soon beside her. Both had been distracted from the sights and smells that already the careers have weapons ready for them before they get far. They're done in minutes. Lattice and Estella get supplies and are out. Next to me, Drite sits back and breathes a sigh of relief as the bloodbath drags on.

Another day passes. Seeder sits on the floor with Holly's head in her lap. Holly's daughter died from drinking the crystalline water from the stream. Everything in this place is deadly. The only thing that seems safe is the water that rains in the arena and the food at the Cornucopia.

The fourth day rolls around and that mountain becomes a volcano taking out a dozen tributes. Drite slams his fist onto the table and swears. District Five once again is out.

Thirteen tributes to go and the first week hasn't even gone by. Maysilee is doing all right for herself, but I still worry about her. All over the Capitol people know that this girl is an echo of the first Quell and special interest is taken on her.

I'm at the President's mansion for my birthday party. It's the hottest ticket in town and for tonight only I will dispense with my arena outfit and wear something more formal for the event which Camry was ecstatic to design. She was especially happy to dye my hair back to my original color and getting rid of all the gray hairs I've earned over the years.

Our dear president has spared no expense for this event and the only thing that upstages me is the games. Several of the victors are here, the ones without tributes vying for the crown.

Marcus comes up and asks me for a dance.

"How are you?" he asks as he spins me around the floor. Really we've gotten good at this dancing and talking.

"I've been better. Broken wrist isn't helping much."

His eyes widen, "When did you do that?"

"Shortly after finding out Maysilee Donner was going into the arena," I say flatly. "Did you know she'd be going in?"

Marcus spins me out and then pulls me close. "I would've warned you if Snow had set it up. I was expecting your kid, not that girl."

"Fight, fight, fight!"

Up on the screen Haymitch Abernathy is about to walk straight into three Careers.

Marcus swears before adding, "I've got a lot of money on that boy."

"You bet on District 12?" I ask.

"Wouldn't you?" he smiles.

Everyone is pealed to the screens and moving out of the main room to others with more TVs to get a good look. I feel utterly overwhelmed by the amount of excitement in this room as the boys on screen have at it.

Dodging a few people I make it over to Volts and hand him the slip of paper Marcus handed me. A time and date scratched on it as to the next conference call with Thirteen. Volt's communication system so far has been set up in Three, Four, Five, Eight, and Ten with trusted allies. This conference should be interesting since we're going through candidates for Eleven.

On screen Haymitch took down two of the Careers, but the third has disarmed him and is about to slit his throat.

"Amaranth will be disappointed," says Volts.

But then something, a dart, makes contact with the last Career's flesh and he's down.

The crowd falls silent, a rare feat, as Maysilee Donner steps out of the woods. "We'd live longer with two of us."

My jaw drops as I watch her form an alliance with Haymitch. The crowed breaks into thunderous applause and shouts of "District 12" fill the room. Someone loudly announces, rather drunkenly, to the room that she is putting her money on District 12 and others rush to agree with her.

"To District 12!"

"District 12!"


	31. Chapter 31

That fight is all they can talk about the rest of the night as they progressively get drunker. It's standard at any party that I've attended. They eat, drink, throw up, and repeat. That's their fun at these things. In earlier years I teasingly regret my decision to volunteer for the games. My district back then isn't bad at all compared to them. But all the humor of that joke is long gone.

Finally the party comes to an end and I'm thanking everyone so much for coming out for my birthday and I can't imagine a better birthday than to be here with them. Everyone cheers, whether they know what for or not is another question, as they all start to leave.

Drite takes one more drink before leaving with a giggling Capitol girl. My after party is at Marcus' home. I head straight for the room with the computer to start going over all the new tech and designs of the Capitol. In all the years that he gets an evening with me never once has he touched me like all the others have.

"We got a problem," says Marcus.

My eyes turn to him waiting for an explanation.

"Snow's not happy. Someone said something about how if we didn't have double tributes those two would've never been in the Quell since they were the last ones called. And to think that was how the last one won."

Leaning back in the chair I stare at the ceiling. "She's dead as soon as she separates from Haymitch."

"I think so."

Volts and I go over more ideas for inventions when I hear "don't want it to come down to you and me."

Maysilee said that. I stare at the screen. "No, no stay with him."

The camera stays with Haymitch as he sits to rest, Maysilee fading in the background. Those in the area are crying that such a beautiful alliance was breaking up. They were hoping for another romance this Quell. Not likely. From the interviews back home, both have someone waiting for them.

Something catches Haymitch's attention and he stares at a small rock with such intensity that I'm curious what's going on. But then the camera turns back to Maysilee as she walks into the woods. Not five minutes passes before candy-pink birds with long thin beaks dive for her. She screams as those thin beaks skewer her neck.

"He's coming for her!" a woman cries.

She's right. Haymitch is running away from the cliff and straight to Maysilee as the last of the birds fly away. He grabs her hand and holds it like a lifeline. And then her cannon goes off.

I hit target after target with knives. It's a skill that I never fell out of practice and have gotten really good. Solid sticks on or very close to the bull's eye every time.

"It's down to District 1 and 12."

Spinning around my knife leaves my hand and buries itself into a dummy. Above in the stands Messalina looks down.

"Not advisable to sneak up on me when I have a knife in my hand," I tell her.

"That's why I'm up here," she says.

A horrible thought has been growing in my mind ever since my birthday. Marcus said had he known that Snow wanted a Donner in the arena he would've warned me. And I'm beginning to wonder if my friend is the one responsible.

"Did you put her in?" I ask. She doesn't answer which gives me mine. Her obsession with beating Snow has turned her into something else and I can't help but feel partly responsible.

"It wasn't my idea. It was someone else's," she says finally.

I stare at her, "But you went along with it."

Messalina pushes away from the bar that prevents people from falling over the edge, "You should come back up and watch. Amaranth could use the support."

There's no way I can argue with that, in fact we've made a bargain not to argue anymore. "I'll be right up."

Joining her we walk back through the roaring crowd escorted by our charming Peacekeepers. Messalina joins a group of friends while I go into the box. It's night and we're getting the recap of today's big events.

For Maysilee's death we get to see things from Haymitch's perspective. A fist sized rock that he had tossed over the edge a minute ago lands back in his hand and he begins to laugh. So a tribute actually found the edge of the arena and the force field that encases them. Maysilee screams and the whole thing plays out again.

Seeder shakes me. "Wake up. They've almost found each other."

Groggily I open my eyes having watched for the 'big moment' most the night in the box. Amaranth is staring at the screen with Jade and a couple other new victors from One.

"Ax vs. knife," one of them says.

"Both got speed," says another. "But she's bigger than he is and better equipped."

Staring at the screen I size the two competitors up. "Don't count him out yet."

My anger at what Lina has done hasn't ebbed yet and has instead focused on wanting this over with. When the fight comes it is nasty. Both want to win this thing and neither will give up.

Knife gone, Haymitch staggers through the woods. Why he's heading towards that cliff, I don't know. Better to stick it out where he was, unless…

"The force field," I whisper.

As soon as Haymitch reaches the edge he waits for the girl. Just as he's collapsing, she tosses the ax and it goes over the edge.

"Bleed out!" shouts a gamemaker. Cheers from the others echo in the room while the victors sit in silence. We hate these types of finales.

It certainly looks that way, but I'm holding my breath. Just like the rocks, that ax is going to come back so long as that girl stays right where she is. She's stanching the blood in her eye thinking all she has to do is out last him.

Thirty seconds and she hasn't moved.

The Head Gamemaker shouts out, "Ladies and gentlemen, I give you your victor of the Second Quarter Quell…"

"Haymitch Abernathy," I whisper.

Two seconds later the ax lands in the girl's head.

"What the…"

"What just happened?"

Everyone in the room stands up. Gamemakers are scrambling to figure out what an ax is doing in that girl's head, playing back the tape in the room.

"The boy won…"

Amaranth leans over the barrier between us and the Gamemakers, "Not to be rude, but if you want to have a victor you'd better get that boy out now."

The Head Gamemaker calls for trumpets to announce the victor and the hovercrafts go in to retrieve the girl's body and bring Haymitch up.

Something's wrong. Half in a daze I leave the control room and see the people cheering and laughing. I catch only snatches of the conversations but enough to know that people think Haymitch outsmarted the Gamemakers. Not good.

"Where's Volts?"

No one answers me, they're too focused on the end of the games. As soon as I see him I make a beeline for him. "Volts. You and I, that's something we would've thought up."

Volts stares at me a little perplexed. "Well, I suppose if I figured it out I might…"

"No," I snap. "It's what you would've done. The Gamemakers just allowed that to happen, got it? The big twist to the games was letting that force field stay up to be used against the girl."

"All right," he nods. "What's going on?"

I'm panicking now, "You don't outsmart the Capitol. Not in the Hunger Games."


	32. Chapter 32

His victory is the talk of the district and I know there's nothing I can do to quite them down. Even if I could, there are still eleven more districts doing the same thing. There's nothing I can do to put out this fire and Haymitch will pay the price.

My old friend Kyle is especially enjoying what's happening. Just like the trackers and both arenas (Boron's and mine) he was there for me at first but tapered off after a year. For nearly a decade he absolutely despised me. He couldn't understand how I can smile at the cameras, eat their food, and pretend that nothing is going on while children are being murdered by the very people I'm partying with. But since the forty-fifth games he's tried to be friends again. I'm just not as forgiving as I once was.

So when he hears me talking with Tomas North he just scoffs. "He's a victor. What could they possibly do to him?"

The sound I hear is something I hear at the Capitol. Laughter over something that isn't a laughing matter and yet is still amusing. And it's coming from me. "Oh I don't know… put his little brother in the arena next year. Or his girlfriend? You know he's not that bad of a looker and I'm sure that the Capitol females would just love her out of the way."

My face takes on a deathly calm, one that I normally reserve for Headquarters for the games. "They might kill his ally's family or the girl's best friend. Or they might take it out on his district so that they all hate him even though he just brought them a year's worth of food. Or do nothing and wait for him to marry his sweetheart so that they can send his child into the arena. That's happened to a few of us victor brats. Believe me, Kyle Harper, I really could keep going with all the possibilities."

I've unnerved him… good. He could use a good slap across the face.

"Oh… didn't know I could be this scary? Well, this is the look I have when I don't have to play nice for the cameras. When I'm not risking my family's safety or that of my tributes. Gamemakers love to put us in our place by dragging out a death if a victor gets out of line."

There are a few others watching me, but I'm in no mood to entertain today. With acknowledgement to Tomas I start to walk away.

"I miss the old Falon," Kyle grumbles.

I turn my icy stare back to him, "She died in the arena."

Immediately I head for the woods. I don't want to go back to the house, but I don't want to stay in town either. Going back to the market I pick up some treats from the bakery. It's time I visit a friend.

In the woods Gray and I discovered some caverns several years ago. It's one of the few things that brought back my giddiness for being a rebel. Already I've started stockpiling bandages, bedding, and other items. Food won't last forever, but I have plenty of that as well.

"Hey Mrs. Welkin," says a voice from the dark.

I keep forgetting I'm not alone in here which is silly since I brought him a treat. "Quad. Hope you like apple tart and wheat bread, because that's what I brought."

He takes the items from me and smiles, "It's still warm. Thank you."

It may seem odd to some that I would become friends with this kid, but I couldn't help but see some of myself in him. Had I not been in the Capitol all of these years and learned how everyone operates I might've been one of the rebels that rioted that night. There's a lot of 'what ifs' I could pull in my life, but I try not to play that game too much. Besides, here's one person from District Five not in my inner circle who can understand me a bit.

"Found another tunnel that lets up in the district," he tells me. "No need to cover it up since there's already a load of debris plugging up the hole. Probably been there during the last war. Smells old enough."

"Watch it. I'm almost old enough to be around since the last war. Missed it by six years."

My normal laughter is back as we banter back and forth, share news, and discuss the latest play in the Hunger Games. Gray and I aren't his only visitors. A few years back a sister and a brother and his girlfriend ran from the district. Quad set up a really great scene for where they 'drowned' but secretly took them back to the caves. Mind you I wanted to throttle him when I found out, but after talking (or interrogating, take your pick) with them I found them safe to have around.

Between the four of them they get a lot of work done. I know the guilt for not being in the district with everyone else is growing on them. But they know that the instant they show up back in the districts they will be shot dead or worse.

The new trio comes back loaded with game.

"Look what we've got," says Cassie all proud. Their hunting skills have improved over time and they are rewarded with a pair of fine rabbits.

Quad holds up the basket. "And we've got bread to go with it."

My eyes flicker between the two of them. Looks like Quad has taken quiet the fancy to her. Judging by the look on her brother's face he's only a little all right with the situation. It's enough to get a small laugh out of me.

"Behave yourselves," I say as I get up. "I'll try to come back sometime next week."


	33. Chapter 33

Gray suggests a walk to town to visit Boron. The year he was out of the reaping he wanted to live on his own. Now my childhood home is his bachelor pad. One thing is for sure, becoming self-reliant has drastically improved the district's opinion on Boron.

We knock on the front door but judging by the noise, he's in the backyard possibly with a sibling or two. Sure enough there's a wrestle match between all four of them. I've been so out of sorts lately that it's a welcomed sight to see my children having fun.

"Hi mom!" says Aron somewhere in the dog pile.

The others quickly untangle themselves and greet us. Gray and I softly chuckle to ourselves as we've undoubtedly thought of the same memory of the large scale wrestle matches we used to get in with my father. Sometimes I slip back into my old life remembering when things were simpler.

Our visit is brief since we don't want to spoil the fun. We tell the younger children to be back by dark. We're not three steps out of the backyard when we hear the wrestle match again.

"What's wrong Lynn?" Gray asks.

I shake my head, "I'm just so terrified for that boy. He's got a little brother and a girlfriend still in the reaping. I don't think Volts and I saying we'd do the same thing is going to help him. The Capitol is not forgiving."

He pulls me close and kisses the side of my head. "Still looking out for everyone."

Blane Peaks sees us and happily joins Gray and me interrupting our tender moment. His wife's position makes him unpopular with most of the district. How little they know that his position makes him useful to the coming rebellion. All of our children are close friends sticking with each other through thick and thin.

When he does a quick check around I know he's about to tell me something involving the rebellion. There's something in his face that has me worried.

"What?" I ask.

He hands me a slip of paper, "Got a message from Rook. We don't understand it but he said you would and that you should read it away from everyone."

'Rook' that's Marcus' code name. Something is very wrong.

The path up to my home is secluded enough and I open up the paper. It's Pepper's handwriting so she must've had a phone call or face to face with Marcus. There're only two words written, _"Everyone important."_

Collapsing to my knees, I let the paper fall from my fingers. Gray is next to me, I can feel his warmth, as he tries to pull me back. His hand clasps mine and I hold tight.

"What is it Lynn?"

"They killed them. They killed them all."

It's a full three days before I come back to myself. These long periods where I blackout have gotten worse since Jay died. When I see Gray with a certain smile I know I've been gone more than a day and there is no end of apologies.

At the end of the week I get the rest of the story. Not only have they've killed his loved ones but they've brought in a new Head Peacekeeper. It won't take long before the Capitol has conditioned the rest of the district to stay away from him. He's now a pariah to everyone but the victors.

The months pass and it's time for the Victory Tour dinner in Five. I'm all fancy in the dress Camry made for me at the games as part of our bargain. It's not my favorite, but at least it's modest.

For the tenth time this month I've had to tell one or all my children they're not coming this year. For weeks I've told them that the Peaks kids were coming over here for dinner as Haymitch passes through the district.

"But we actually want to meet this one," Clea whines.

"Don't argue with your mother," Gray says. "If it makes you feel any better, Clea, I'm not going either."

"Give it a rest, Clea," says Boron. He knows what happened and knows why they're staying home. Boron's the brightest of my children. He was the only one to figure out it was more than possible they were mockingjays. The rest we've told when they were old enough. But with all of them having my red hair and other traits it's hard to determine if any of them had different fathers. Gray tells me that our kids only got the best from their parents.

More pleading but the answer remains a firm 'no'. Haymitch lost everyone important to him. I'm not about to parade around that I still have almost everyone important to me and neither is Mayor Peaks. The car pulls up and her three kids get out and I get in. Blane must attend, but we're keeping our families out of it.

When I see Amaranth I go straight to him. I'm not supposed to know the boy's family is gone yet. Dark shadows are under his eyes. Most likely he's spent many nights up with Haymitch, his first victor.

"Hey Vixen," he smiles warily. "I was looking forward to meeting your family, but I guess it's good you kept them away."

"All things considering?" I say.

"I shouldn't have laughed," he says.

I shake my head, "The whole of Panem was laughing. This happened because the Capitol can't stand to have the joke on them."

When I met Haymitch he wears a look I know all too well. It's the one I saw on myself in the mirror of my arena, haunted and almost dead. I hug him, but he doesn't like the contact. I know what it's like to have your parents and one you love stripped from you. But I had it done one at a time and he all at once. These coming years for him are not going to be easy. And by the looks of Amaranth he may very well have to do it alone.

"Hey, over here," calls a cameraman. "Get a shot of this. Both of the Quell victors!"

No matter how much the women want him, they can't have him. There's no one left for them to hold against him. And now all the new victors will know what will happen if they cause problems for the Capitol.

Haymitch has taken up drinking with Chaff. Most of the other victors have addictions of their own whether it be drugs or alcohol. The older ones, those that won under Galba, are not as addicted to substances. Seeder and Mags lead the charge on those making it through this. I'm not sure where I fall in.

Like every year after the games, I sit writing everything I can remember about this last time at the Capitol. When Benton and Gabby Scaler died, the books went to their son, Alun. Together we keep the separate journals. One is for our tributes, another for the victors, and another for things that will be useful for the rebellion. All of these are stored and preserved at his home amongst all his parent's stuff but not before being stored on several disks the locations of which are known by their keepers only.

The game is set and the pieces are moving. Secrets that will bring Snow down are known by all the right people in the Capitol. There will be another Amaranth or me to be popular with the rich and powerful, a victor that will unearth all these dirty little secrets after we are gone.

This upcoming year will be the last I will ever have to have a child in the Reaping. Three are safe. In a few short months I will learn once and for all if one of my children will go into the arena.

Sometimes I wonder if that was the plan all along. To make me despised among the victors by being the only one who's loved ones weren't touched by Snow. Somehow I don't think I'll be around to see their displeasure.

Ten years ago I told Marcus that I was slowing down. Well, I guess I've reached the end of the line. Instead of the terrifying dreams that almost feel like tracker venom I've instead get just the opposite. It sounds crazy with everything that is going on and no relief in sight, but somehow I'm feeling as if I'm waking up and the nightmare is really over.

Every time I wake up from these dreams I want to cry. If my life is the nightmare created by the tracker venom, then I don't want to wake up. I love Gray and our children more than anyone else I've ever loved in my life. It is because of them I live.


End file.
